The Burned Haystack Dating Method: A Smarter Approach to Online Love

🔥 What is the Burned Haystack Dating Method?

If you’ve ever felt like online dating is an endless cycle of swiping, ghosting, and disappointing first dates, you’re not alone. Enter the Burned Haystack Dating Method—a new approach to online dating that challenges conventional wisdom and helps you find the right person without burning out.

Rather than searching for a needle in a haystack (a single perfect match among countless options), this method flips the script: burn the haystack, eliminate the unsuitable matches quickly, and focus your energy on genuine connections.

📊 The Psychology Behind It: Why It Works

Dating apps expose users to an overwhelming number of potential partners, leading to decision fatigue, choice overload, and paradox of choice paralysis (Iyengar & Lepper, 2000). The Burned Haystack approach minimizes this cognitive overload by streamlining decision-making.

Here’s why it’s effective:

• Cognitive Load Reduction – Less time spent on bad matches means more mental clarity (Schwartz, 2004).

• Pattern Recognition – Quickly identifying red flags helps eliminate time-wasters early.

• Emotional Energy Conservation – Avoids burnout by focusing on quality over quantity (Finkel et al., 2012).

🚩 Step 1: Identify and Eliminate Dealbreakers

Instead of spending weeks chatting with someone who isn’t aligned with your values, establish non-negotiables upfront.

🔹 How to do it: Write down 3-5 absolute dealbreakers—values, habits, or behaviors that are incompatible with your goals. If a match violates one, move on immediately.

⚖️ Step 2: Use a Tiered Screening System

Not all dealbreakers are equal. Instead of an all-or-nothing approach, categorize your standards:

• Red Flags 🚨 (Instant No) – Ex: Dishonesty, incompatible values.

• Yellow Flags ⚠️ (Proceed with Caution) – Ex: Different lifestyles, lack of emotional availability.

• Green Flags ✅ (Potential Match) – Ex: Aligned values, emotional intelligence, clear communication.

🔹 Pro Tip: Don’t fall for the sunk-cost fallacy! Just because you’ve invested time in a conversation doesn’t mean you should keep going if you notice a red flag.

💡 Step 3: Prioritize Depth Over Surface-Level Connection

Algorithms often encourage people to choose partners based on attractiveness or witty bios. Instead, focus on emotional intelligence, core values, and compatibility.

🔹 How to do it: Ask intentional questions early on:

• What’s the last thing you got really excited about?

• How do you handle conflict in relationships?

• What’s your idea of a perfect weekend?

🏃‍♀️ Step 4: Move Offline Quickly

Endless chatting leads to unrealistic expectations and emotional exhaustion. If there’s chemistry, set up a video call or in-person date within 5-7 days to test real-world compatibility.

🔹 Pro Tip: Research shows that long texting phases create false intimacy, making real-life meetings disappointing (Hall et al., 2015).

🤯 Step 5: Be Okay with Rejecting and Being Rejected

Online dating isn’t about convincing someone to like you—it’s about finding mutual compatibility. A quick rejection is better than weeks of emotional investment in the wrong person.

🔹 Mindset Shift: Instead of seeing rejection as failure, view it as efficiency—one step closer to the right match.

🎯 Final Thought: Burn the Haystack, Find Your Match

By eliminating bad matches early and focusing on quality interactions, the Burned Haystack Dating Method saves you time, emotional energy, and frustration. Next time you swipe, remember: less is more. 🔥

Women & Alcohol: The Silent Mental Health Crisis

🍷 Why Are More Women Drinking?

In recent years, alcohol use among women has been steadily rising, and it’s not just about “wine mom” culture or bottomless mimosa brunches. Research shows that women are drinking more than ever before, with alcohol-related deaths among women increasing by 85% between 1999 and 2020 (White et al., 2020). But why?

Unlike past generations, where heavy drinking was more associated with men, today’s women are drinking at nearly the same rates as men (Slade et al., 2016). The reasons? A mix of stress, societal expectations, and targeted marketing that normalizes alcohol as a coping mechanism.

📉 The Science Behind Women & Alcohol

Women metabolize alcohol differently than men, leading to greater physical and mental health risks. Here’s what the research says:

• Higher BAC Levels – Women’s bodies contain less water and more fat than men’s, meaning they process alcohol more slowly, leading to higher blood alcohol concentration (BAC) levels (Erol & Karpyak, 2015).

• Increased Risk of Addiction – Women develop alcohol dependence faster than men, a phenomenon known as telescoping (Becker & Koob, 2016).

• Greater Mental Health Impact – Alcohol exacerbates anxiety, depression, and trauma-related disorders, which women are already more prone to experiencing (Keyes et al., 2011).

🚺 Why Are Women Turning to Alcohol?

The rise in alcohol consumption among women isn’t random—it’s tied to several societal and psychological factors:

1. Alcohol as a Coping Mechanism

Women are more likely than men to drink in response to stress, trauma, and mental health struggles (Wilsnack et al., 2018). Whether it’s work pressure, parenting stress, or past trauma, alcohol often becomes an “easy fix” that later leads to dependence.

🔹 The Reality: While alcohol might feel like a temporary relief, it actually worsens anxiety and depression over time (Boden & Fergusson, 2011).

2. The Influence of Marketing & Culture

Ever noticed how alcohol brands aggressively target women? From “rosé all day” slogans to “mommy juice” memes, the alcohol industry has capitalized on the idea that drinking is a form of self-care.

🔹 The Reality: Drinking is often framed as “empowering” or a way to “unwind,” but it masks deeper issues related to stress and mental health.

3. Social Acceptance & Peer Pressure

Drinking is often a socially reinforced behavior, especially among women in professional settings or motherhood circles. Many women feel pressured to drink to “fit in” or avoid social scrutiny.

🔹 The Reality: Many women drink not because they enjoy it, but because they fear standing out by saying no.

🚨 The Risks: More Than Just a Hangover

Women face unique risks when it comes to alcohol consumption:

• Increased Risk of Liver Disease – Women develop alcohol-related liver disease faster and at lower consumption levels than men (Addolorato et al., 2021).

• Higher Rates of Blackouts – Due to how their bodies process alcohol, women are more likely to experience memory loss and blackouts (Mundt & Zakletskaia, 2012).

• Increased Vulnerability to Assault – Studies show that women under the influence are at a higher risk of sexual assault and intimate partner violence (Kilpatrick et al., 2007).

💡 Breaking the Cycle: How Women Can Reclaim Control

The good news? More women are recognizing the negative impact of alcohol and choosing to redefine their relationship with drinking. Here’s how:

✅ Mindful Drinking – Instead of drinking out of habit, ask yourself: Why am I reaching for this drink?

✅ Find Healthy Coping Mechanisms – Try exercise, meditation, therapy, or creative outlets as stress relievers.

✅ Challenge Social Norms – Saying no to a drink shouldn’t require an excuse. Normalize alcohol-free choices.

✅ Seek Support – Therapy, support groups, and online sober communities can help women struggling with alcohol dependence.

🚀 Final Thought: You Deserve Better

Women deserve real self-care, not just alcohol disguised as relaxation. If you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol, there’s no shame in seeking help. True empowerment comes from making choices that prioritize mental, emotional, and physical well-being. 💙

Men & Mental Health: Breaking the Silence on Addiction

🚹 The Silent Struggle

Men are often told to “man up” and push through their problems, but the truth is, mental health doesn’t care about outdated stereotypes. Anxiety, depression, and addiction don’t discriminate—and ignoring them doesn’t make them go away.

From high-functioning anxiety to self-medicating with vices like pornography, marijuana, alcohol, and gambling, many men turn to external coping mechanisms instead of addressing what’s really going on. So, let’s break it down: Why do men struggle to talk about mental health? And how do these addictions develop?

🧠 Why Do Men Bottle It Up?

Research shows that men are less likely to seek help for mental health issues (Mahalik et al., 2003). Why?

• Cultural Conditioning – Society often equates masculinity with toughness, leaving little room for vulnerability.

• Fear of Judgment – Many men worry that admitting they’re struggling will make them seem weak.

• Lack of Role Models – If men don’t see other men prioritizing mental health, they’re less likely to do it themselves.

But here’s the twist: true strength comes from self-awareness, not avoidance. And addictions? They often stem from deeper emotional struggles.

🔄 The Cycle of Addiction: What’s Really Happening?

Addictions don’t just appear out of nowhere—they develop as coping mechanisms for unresolved emotions.

Gabor Maté & The Trauma-Addiction Connection

Renowned physician and trauma expert Dr. Gabor Maté argues that addiction is not about substance use itself, but about the pain that lies beneath it. In his book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts (2008), Maté explores how unresolved trauma—particularly childhood trauma and PTSD—creates the conditions for addictive behaviors.

Maté states, “The question is not why the addiction, but why the pain?” His research highlights that addictions often develop as self-soothing mechanisms for deep emotional wounds, particularly among men who have been conditioned to suppress vulnerability.

Studies support this view: PTSD and early childhood adversity are strongly linked to substance use disorders (Khoury et al., 2010). This means that treating addiction requires healing the underlying emotional pain, not just eliminating the addictive behavior.

🎭 Real-Life Addictions: How They Manifest

Pornography Addiction 🎭

• Watching porn can trigger dopamine surges, which create short-term pleasure but long-term desensitization (Kuhn & Gallinat, 2014).

• Studies show excessive porn use can lead to lower sexual satisfaction, increased anxiety, and difficulty forming real-life connections (Wright et al., 2017).

• It often starts as stress relief but can turn into a dependency when emotions aren’t addressed.

🔹 The Fix: Replace compulsive consumption with real intimacy and self-reflection. If you’re using porn to escape, ask yourself: What am I running from?

Marijuana Use 🌿

• While weed is often seen as harmless, heavy use has been linked to increased anxiety, paranoia, and amotivation syndrome (Volkow et al., 2014).

• Many use marijuana to “take the edge off” stress, but chronic use can actually increase anxiety over time (Patel & Hillard, 2008).

🔹 The Fix: Ask yourself: Am I using this to relax, or to numb? Mindful use is key—if it’s your only stress reliever, it might be time for new tools.

Alcohol Dependence 🍺

• Society normalizes drinking as a social activity, but when it becomes a way to avoid emotions, it can spiral fast.

• Studies show men are twice as likely as women to binge drink (CDC, 2020), leading to increased risks of depression and liver disease.

🔹 The Fix: Try replacing alcohol with exercise, therapy, or social hobbies. Cutting back doesn’t mean cutting out fun—it means taking control.

Gambling Addiction 🎰

• Gambling provides an adrenaline rush, which can quickly become addictive.

• Research links gambling addiction to impulse control disorders and high-stress levels (Potenza et al., 2001).

🔹 The Fix: If gambling feels like an escape, explore healthier ways to find excitement—sports, new hobbies, or even therapy.

🔥 The Way Forward: Owning Your Mental Health

Breaking free from addiction isn’t about shame—it’s about understanding why you’re reaching for certain vices. The key steps?

✅ Acknowledge the pattern – Awareness is the first step.

✅ Find better coping strategies – Therapy, fitness, meditation, or meaningful connections.

✅ Talk about it – You’re not alone. Seeking help is strength, not weakness.

🚀 Final Thought: You Deserve More

You don’t have to settle for quick fixes when real healing is possible. Your mental health matters—not just for you, but for the people who care about you. Let’s break the cycle and build something better. 💪`

Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” Theory: The Art of Letting Go for Your Mental Health

🚪 “Just Let Them.” Sounds Too Simple, Right?

If you've ever found yourself frustrated by how others act—ghosting your texts, not supporting your dreams, making choices that leave you confused—Mel Robbins has three words for you: Let. Them.

Mel Robbins' Let Them theory, also the focus of her latest book, is a radical but freeing mindset shift that suggests we stop trying to control, convince, or change people—and instead, let them be who they are. Why? Because their actions say everything about them and nothing about you. More importantly, it saves you from unnecessary stress, resentment, and wasted emotional energy.

But does this philosophy hold up beyond a viral social media clip? Let’s dive into the psychology behind it.

🧠 The Science Behind “Let Them”

While Robbins presents this concept in a refreshingly simple way, research in psychology backs up its effectiveness. Here’s why it works:

1. The Illusion of Control & Letting It Go

Humans naturally crave control—it makes us feel safe (Langer, 1975). But trying to micromanage others' decisions is a losing battle. Studies on locus of control (Rotter, 1966) show that people who accept what they can’t change (external locus) experience lower stress and higher well-being than those who try to control everything (internal locus). Let Them encourages you to release that control and focus on what you can change—your response.

2. Cognitive Dissonance: Why We Struggle to “Let Them”

Cognitive dissonance (Festinger, 1957) happens when our expectations clash with reality. For example, if you expect a friend to be more supportive, but they repeatedly dismiss your goals, your brain wants to resolve the inconsistency—either by changing your expectations or endlessly trying to make them supportive.

The “Let Them” mindset suggests choosing the first option: Accepting that their actions reflect them, not you.

3. Emotional Detachment for Mental Peace

Practicing emotional detachment (not in a cold, distant way but in a healthy boundaries way) is linked to reduced anxiety and improved emotional regulation (Kross & Ayduk, 2011). By saying “Let them”, you’re not giving up on relationships—you’re just refusing to waste energy on people who show you, through their actions, that they’re not aligned with your expectations.

🎭 Real-Life Scenarios: Applying the “Let Them” Rule

✔️ Ghosting? Let them. Their lack of communication is their choice—you dodged a bullet from someone who lacks emotional maturity.

✔️ Not supporting your dreams? Let them. The right people will support you. Energy is better spent on them.

✔️ Judging your choices? Let them. Their opinions are theirs to carry, not yours.

✔️ Flaky friend? Let them. Stop chasing. Watch who shows up without being pushed.

🔥 The Takeaway: Freedom Through Acceptance

The “Let Them” approach isn’t about passivity—it’s about peace. It allows you to set healthy boundaries, stop wasting energy on people who don’t align with you, and create space for those who do.

Mel Robbins’ message is clear: Instead of resisting what is, accept it—and free yourself in the process. 🚀

** Building a Meaningful Therapeutic Relationship**

🧠 Why Millennials Are Turning to Therapy More Than Ever

Millennials (born between 1981-1996) are leading the charge in prioritizing mental health. Unlike previous generations, they’re more open about seeking therapy, setting boundaries, and practicing self-care. But while booking the first session is a great step, real transformation happens through engagement—building a strong, trusting relationship with a therapist.

💬 The Therapeutic Relationship: More Than Just Talking

Therapy isn’t just about venting; it’s about creating a collaborative partnership where growth and healing take place. Research shows that the therapeutic alliance—the bond between a client and therapist—is one of the most significant predictors of successful therapy outcomes (Horvath & Symonds, 1991).

A strong therapeutic relationship provides:

✅ A Safe Space – Free of judgment, full of understanding.

✅ Emotional Support – Because let’s be real, life is hard.

✅ Accountability – Growth isn’t always comfortable, but it’s worth it.

✅ Practical Tools – Coping strategies tailored to your unique needs.

🤯 Common Barriers to Therapy Engagement (And How to Overcome Them)

1. The "I Should Be Able to Handle This" Mindset

Many millennials grew up with messages like “just tough it out” or “others have it worse.” But therapy isn’t about weakness—it’s about self-awareness and resilience.

🔹 Shift Your Perspective: Seeing a therapist is no different than seeing a doctor for physical health. Your mind deserves care too!

2. Fear of Being Vulnerable

Opening up can be scary. Many worry about feeling judged or misunderstood. But good therapy isn’t about fixing you—it’s about understanding you.

🔹 Pro Tip: If something feels off with your therapist, communicate it! A skilled therapist will adjust their approach to meet you where you are.

3. Stigma Still Lingers

Even in 2025, some circles still see therapy as a “last resort.” But millennials are actively breaking this stigma by normalizing conversations around mental health.

🔹 Reframe It: Therapy is proactive, not reactive. You don’t need a crisis to benefit from it!

🔥 Making the Most of Therapy: Engagement Tips

• Find the Right Fit 👥 – A therapist’s style matters! It’s okay to switch if it doesn’t feel right.

• Show Up Authentically 🎭 – Be honest, even when it’s uncomfortable.

• Do the Homework 📖 – Therapy doesn’t end when the session does. Applying insights IRL makes the difference.

• Communicate Your Needs 📢 – Therapy is a two-way street. Let your therapist know what’s working (or what’s not!).

🌱 Final Thoughts: Therapy as an Investment in Yourself

Therapy isn’t a quick fix, but it’s a powerful tool for personal growth. Engaging in the process and building a strong therapeutic relationship can lead to deeper self-awareness, emotional resilience, and long-term mental well-being.

Millennials are proving that therapy isn’t just about healing past wounds—it’s about building a better future. Ready to take the next step? Your future self will thank you. 💙

Gen Z and Mental Health

Gen Z and Mental Health

🌍 Growing Up in a World on Fire

Gen Z (those born between 1997-2012) has been labeled the most anxious generation—but can you blame them? They’ve grown up amid economic instability, social media pressures, and, oh yeah, a global pandemic. Unlike previous generations, they’re not just dealing with existential dread; they’re Googling coping mechanisms at 3 AM.

📉 The Stats Don’t Lie

• 42% of Gen Z has been diagnosed with a mental health condition (APA, 2023).

• More than half say they feel persistently sad or hopeless.

• Social media use has been linked to rising rates of anxiety and depression among teens and young adults (Twenge et al., 2020).

But Gen Z isn’t just suffering in silence—they’re talking about it. Unlike past generations, they’re breaking the stigma surrounding mental health, using TikTok, memes, and group chats as their version of therapy.

🤯 The Unique Mental Health Challenges Gen Z Faces

1. The Double-Edged Sword of Social Media

Imagine this: You open Instagram, and in 0.5 seconds, you're bombarded with a highlight reel of someone else's perfect life. Enter: the comparison trap. Social media can fuel insecurity and anxiety, yet it also provides a space for community and connection.

🔹 Pro Tip: Set screen time limits and follow accounts that make you feel good instead of triggering self-doubt.

2. Hustle Culture vs. Burnout Culture

For Gen Z, “making it” often means juggling a side hustle, full-time school or work, and an attempt at a social life. The pressure to grind can lead to serious burnout.

🔹 Pro Tip: Productivity is great, but so is sleep. Schedule downtime like you schedule deadlines.

💡 How Gen Z is Changing the Mental Health Game

🗣️ Talking About It – Loudly

Unlike older generations, Gen Z isn’t afraid to say, “I’m in therapy,” or “I need a mental health day.” They’re normalizing the conversation, and that’s a game-changer.

💻 Digital Therapy & Mental Health Apps

From apps like Headspace and Calm to TikTok therapists offering digestible advice, mental health resources have never been more accessible.

🎨 Creative Coping Mechanisms

From journaling to painting to crying while listening to Phoebe Bridgers, Gen Z uses creativity to process emotions in ways past generations never considered.

🚀 Final Thoughts: A Generation That’s Healing

Yes, Gen Z faces overwhelming challenges, but they’re also paving the way for a more open, supportive, and emotionally intelligent future. They’re proving that acknowledging struggles isn’t a weakness—it’s the first step to real change.

So, Gen Z, keep going. Keep prioritizing your mental health. And if all else fails… there’s always dog videos and therapy 🐶💙.

Manifesting

The Science of Manifesting: Does It Really Work?

I’m wondering if you remember a little over a year ago, there was a trend on tik tok about “the luckiest girl in the world”. This was my personal affirmation for many months, and I’ve continued to use it. Why? Because it works!

Manifesting has become a buzzword in recent years, often associated with vision boards, affirmations, and the law of attraction. Proponents claim that by focusing on positive thoughts and visualizing desired outcomes, individuals can bring their dreams into reality. But does manifesting really work, or is it just another self-help trend? Let’s examine the psychological research behind it and explore how the “luckiest girl in the world” mindset plays a role.

Understanding Manifesting

Manifesting is based on the idea that our thoughts shape our reality. While this concept is popular in spiritual and self-help communities, it also has psychological underpinnings. Cognitive-behavioral theories suggest that thoughts influence emotions and behaviors, which can, in turn, affect life outcomes. But does merely thinking about success lead to real-world achievements?

The concept of the “luckiest girl in the world” has gained traction as a manifestation technique, emphasizing the belief that good fortune naturally follows certain individuals. Those who adopt this mindset operate under the assumption that they are inherently lucky, which influences their confidence, decision-making, and behavior in ways that can create self-fulfilling prophecies.

The Research Behind Manifesting

Scientific studies provide mixed results regarding manifesting. Research in psychology and neuroscience suggests that while positive thinking alone may not directly lead to success, certain cognitive and behavioral mechanisms associated with manifesting can be beneficial.

1. The Power of Visualization Studies show that visualization can enhance motivation and performance. A well-known study by Dr. Blaslotto at the University of Chicago found that individuals who mentally practiced free throws improved their performance nearly as much as those who physically practiced. This suggests that visualization activates similar neural pathways as real-world actions, making it a useful tool for goal setting.

2. The Role of Self-Efficacy According to Albert Bandura’s theory of self-efficacy, individuals who believe they can achieve a goal are more likely to take action toward it. Positive affirmations, a key component of manifesting, can reinforce self-efficacy, potentially leading to increased motivation and effort. The “luckiest girl in the world” mindset operates on a similar principle—those who truly believe they are lucky tend to take more risks, approach opportunities with optimism, and persist through challenges.

3. The Pitfalls of Passive Manifesting Research from NYU psychologists Gabriele Oettingen and Peter Gollwitzer warns against overly optimistic thinking without action. Their studies suggest that individuals who engage in mere wishful thinking may feel psychologically rewarded without putting in the effort needed for success. Oettingen’s “WOOP” method (Wish, Outcome, Obstacle, Plan) emphasizes the importance of balancing positive thinking with practical goal-setting strategies.

Making Manifesting Work for You

While manifesting alone may not magically create success, integrating it with evidence-based strategies can be beneficial. Here are some ways to use manifesting effectively:

• Combine visualization with action: Instead of just imagining success, create a concrete plan and take measurable steps toward your goal.

• Use positive affirmations strategically: Reinforce self-belief while also preparing for potential setbacks.

• Adopt the “luckiest girl in the world” mindset: Approach life with confidence and a belief that good things will happen, but also take intentional action to create opportunities.

• Set realistic goals: Applying methods like the WOOP technique ensures you maintain a practical approach.

• Practice gratitude: Studies show that gratitude fosters a positive mindset and increases resilience, helping individuals stay motivated.

Conclusion

Manifesting, when used correctly, can be a powerful psychological tool. While simply wishing for success is unlikely to bring tangible results, combining visualization with proactive behavior can enhance motivation, self-efficacy, and goal achievement. The “luckiest girl in the world” mindset serves as an example of how belief and confidence can shape opportunities, but it must be paired with intentional effort. Instead of relying solely on the universe to deliver, a balanced approach that integrates evidence-based strategies can lead to real and lasting change.

The Dangers of Self-Diagnosing

🚨 The Dangers of Self-Diagnosis: Why You Should See a Pro 🚨

Hey, we get it. Google and TikTok make it SO easy to look up symptoms and diagnose yourself in five minutes. But before you convince yourself that your brain fog is definitely early-onset dementia, let’s talk about why self-diagnosing can be risky business. 🤯💡

⚠️ The Risks of Self-Diagnosis ⚠️

🔍 Misreading Symptoms
Mental health conditions like ADHD, anxiety, and depression often have overlapping signs—think trouble focusing, restlessness, or feeling drained. Without professional input, you might mislabel what you’re experiencing and miss out on the right support. 😵‍💫

🎯 Confirmation Bias
Ever gone down an internet rabbit hole and suddenly everything seems like a symptom? 🕵️‍♂️ When you search for something, your brain tends to focus only on the results that confirm your fears while ignoring alternative explanations.

⏳ Delaying Real Help
Trying self-care hacks, over-the-counter meds, or diet changes might seem helpful, but if you actually need therapy or medical intervention, you’re only putting off the care that could actually make a difference. 🤷‍♀️

😨 Unnecessary Stress
Thinking you have a serious condition (when you don’t) can be just as bad as ignoring one that you do. Your mind can spiral into worst-case scenarios, which increases anxiety and makes everything feel 10x worse. Yikes. 😬

✅ Why Seeing a Professional is a Game-Changer ✅

💯 They Know Their Stuff
Psychologists, doctors, and therapists have years of training to recognize patterns and nuances in mental health conditions. They won’t just slap a label on you—they’ll actually help you understand what’s going on. 🧠✨

📋 Personalized Treatment Plans
Instead of generic advice from Reddit, a licensed pro can guide you with a treatment plan tailored to YOU. Therapy? Medication? Lifestyle changes? They’ve got you covered. 🎯

🤝 Emotional Support
Having someone validate your experiences and help you navigate your emotions is a total game-changer. Friends are great, but a trained professional? Even better. 💙

🚀 Avoiding Future Problems
Getting an early and accurate diagnosis means you can start working on solutions ASAP—before things snowball into bigger issues. Taking care of yourself now = a happier, healthier future. 🌟

🎤 The Bottom Line 🎤

Scrolling through mental health TikTok is cool for awareness, but it’s not a replacement for professional care. If something feels off, book an appointment with a licensed expert who can give you real answers and real solutions. Your well-being is too important to leave to guesswork. 💪💙

👉 Need help? Reach out to a mental health professional today. You got this! 🚀

Exploring Open Relationships

The Cost-Benefit Analysis of Open Relationships: A Psychological Perspective

I have had many conversations recently with clients in my practice regarding open relationships. I thought this may be a good topic to dive into and explore the myths and the possible costs and benefits. In today’s modern dating culture, open relationships have gained increased attention and acceptance. Advocates claim they provide freedom, personal growth, and deeper connections. However, like any relationship model, non-monogamy comes with inherent challenges and risks that should not be overlooked.

A serious, research-based examination of open relationships reveals both benefits and potential costs—psychological, emotional, and relational. Before making a decision about whether an open relationship is the right path, it is critical to weigh these factors carefully.

The Potential Benefits of Open Relationships

While controversial in some circles, proponents of consensual non-monogamy highlight several perceived advantages:

✅ Increased Personal Freedom – Open relationships allow partners to explore connections outside of traditional monogamy, fostering independence and self-discovery.

✅ Expanded Emotional and Physical Connections – Supporters argue that non-monogamy allows individuals to develop multiple meaningful relationships, reducing dependency on a single partner.

✅ Honest Communication – For open relationships to function successfully, they require clear boundaries and ongoing discussions about expectations and feelings, which can strengthen communication skills.

✅ Reduced Pressure on a Single Partner – Some claim that diversifying emotional and sexual needs across multiple relationships alleviates unrealistic expectations placed on one individual.

While these benefits may sound appealing, they must be weighed against the potential emotional, psychological, and relational consequences.

The Risks and Psychological Costs of Open Relationships

Despite the touted advantages, research and clinical observations indicate significant risks that should not be ignored.

⚠️ Emotional Distress and Jealousy – Even in consensually open relationships, many individuals experience unexpected jealousy, insecurity, and feelings of inadequacy. Managing these emotions can be exhausting and may damage self-esteem.

⚠️ Attachment and Relationship Stability – Studies suggest that traditional monogamous relationships tend to have greater emotional security. Attachment theory highlights the importance of exclusive bonding for fostering deep emotional intimacy and trust.

⚠️ Higher Risk of Relationship Dissolution – Research from the Journal of Sex Research suggests that non-monogamous relationships often experience higher instability due to the complexity of managing multiple partners and emotional investments.

⚠️ Potential for Unequal Dynamics – Even with mutual agreements, one partner may struggle more with the arrangement, leading to power imbalances, resentment, or emotional harm.

⚠️ Mental Health Implications – The psychological impact of navigating multiple intimate relationships can contribute to increased stress, anxiety, and emotional fatigue, particularly for those with attachment insecurities.

Key Considerations Before Choosing an Open Relationship

If you are contemplating an open relationship, it is crucial to reflect on the following:

🔹 Your Personal Attachment Style – Are you secure in your attachment, or do you struggle with anxiety or avoidance? Open relationships often challenge those with insecure attachment styles.

🔹 Core Values and Long-Term Goals – Does non-monogamy align with your deeper values and vision for commitment, family, and emotional security?

🔹 Emotional Bandwidth – Can you handle the time, energy, and emotional work required to manage multiple intimate relationships?

🔹 Impact on Mental Health – Are you prepared for the potential stressors, jealousy, and emotional processing that come with non-monogamy?

🔹 Risk of Regret – Many who experiment with open relationships later find themselves craving the depth, trust, and stability that monogamy provides.

Final Thoughts: A Balanced Perspective

While open relationships are gaining mainstream attention, they are not a universally beneficial model. Psychological research indicates that monogamous relationships generally offer greater long-term stability, security, and deeper emotional bonds. The idea that non-monogamy guarantees happiness or fulfillment is a myth—just as monogamy requires effort, commitment, and emotional intelligence, so does any alternative relationship structure.

Ultimately, individuals must make decisions based on self-awareness, emotional resilience, and long-term well-being. If you are considering an open relationship, approach it with careful thought, honest communication, and a realistic understanding of the psychological costs involved.

This topic can be further explored individually or in couples counseling sessions, as the impact can be significant on a relationship and an individual.

Gaslighting: Insights & How to Reclaim Your Reality

Gaslighting: The Psychology Behind Manipulation and How to Break Free

I’m not sure about you, but I am exhausted with the overuse of this term. I hear it on Tik Tok and Reels and seemingly walking by people on the street. Gaslighting is extremely abusive and complicated, and if you’ve been victimized through gaslighting, there are severe consequences to your psychological wellbeing. However, gaslighting doesn’t mean someone is just lying….it is much deeper…darker…

Gaslighting is one of the most insidious forms of psychological manipulation, often leaving victims questioning their own memories, perceptions, and sanity. The term, which originates from the 1944 film Gaslight, has gained widespread recognition in recent years as more people become aware of its presence in relationships, workplaces, and even societal structures. But what exactly is gaslighting, and how can we protect ourselves from its damaging effects?

What is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse in which a person or group manipulates another into doubting their own reality. This tactic is often used by narcissists, abusers, and those seeking power over others to maintain control. It can occur in romantic relationships, friendships, family dynamics, workplaces, and even political discourse.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), gaslighting is "a form of manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim’s mind." This is done through denial, contradiction, misinformation, and subtle emotional coercion.

Signs of Gaslighting

Gaslighting can be subtle and gradual, making it difficult to recognize. Some common signs include:

• Denial of past events – The gaslighter insists something didn’t happen or was imagined, despite clear evidence.

• Trivializing emotions – They tell the victim they’re "too sensitive" or "overreacting" to invalidate their feelings.

• Contradictory statements – They frequently change their narrative, making it difficult to know what’s true.

• Projection – Accusing the victim of behaviors that the gaslighter is actually engaging in.

• Isolating the victim – Limiting the victim’s contact with supportive friends and family to increase dependency.

• Manipulating facts – Twisting information to make the victim doubt their understanding of events.

• Shifting blame – Making the victim feel responsible for the gaslighter’s actions or the deterioration of the relationship.

The Psychological Impact of Gaslighting

Gaslighting can have devastating psychological effects on victims, leading to long-term emotional distress. Research has linked gaslighting to symptoms of anxiety, depression, PTSD, and low self-esteem. A 2019 study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence found that gaslighting in intimate relationships significantly correlates with psychological distress and emotional dependence on the abuser.

Over time, gaslighting can cause cognitive dissonance, a state of psychological discomfort caused by conflicting thoughts and realities. The victim begins to distrust their own mind, leading to indecision, confusion, and an increasing reliance on the gaslighter for validation.

Dr. Ramani’s Insights on Gaslighting

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a renowned clinical psychologist, has extensively explored the dynamics of narcissistic abuse and gaslighting, offering valuable insights into recognizing and addressing these manipulative behaviors.

Dr. Ramani emphasizes that gaslighting is a tactic commonly employed by individuals with narcissistic traits to maintain control over their victims. She explains that gaslighting involves making the victim doubt their own reality, leading to confusion and self-doubt. In her discussions, she highlights that gaslighting can occur not only in personal relationships but also in workplaces and societal structures.

In her work, Dr. Ramani outlines several key aspects of gaslighting:

• Denial of past events: The gaslighter insists that certain events did not happen or were imagined by the victim.

• Trivializing emotions: They accuse the victim of being overly sensitive or overreacting, thereby invalidating their feelings.

• Projection: Accusing the victim of behaviors or intentions that the gaslighter themselves are exhibiting.

These behaviors serve to destabilize the victim’s sense of reality, making them more dependent on the gaslighter’s version of events.

The Concept of 'Tribe Gaslighting'

Dr. Ramani introduces the concept of "tribe gaslighting," where individuals surrounding the narcissist, such as friends, family, or colleagues, may unknowingly support the gaslighter’s narrative by doubting or dismissing the victim’s experiences. This collective invalidation can further entrench the victim’s confusion and isolation.

How to Recognize and Break Free from Gaslighting

Recognizing gaslighting is the first step toward reclaiming your reality. Here are some ways to protect yourself:

1. Trust Your Perception

Keep a journal of events, conversations, and interactions. Writing things down can help you maintain a record of reality when a gaslighter tries to distort it.

2. Seek External Validation

Talk to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist about your experiences. An outside perspective can help confirm your feelings and reality.

3. Set Boundaries

Gaslighters thrive on control. Setting clear boundaries—such as refusing to engage in circular arguments or limiting interactions—can reduce their influence over you.

4. Stop Seeking Their Approval

Gaslighters manipulate by making you crave their validation. Recognizing that you don’t need their approval to validate your experiences is empowering.

5. Consider Professional Help

Gaslighting can have deep psychological effects, and therapy can help rebuild self-trust. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is particularly effective in countering distorted thinking patterns caused by gaslighting.

Final Thoughts: Reclaiming Your Reality

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse that can erode a person’s sense of self over time. Recognizing the signs, understanding the motivations behind it, and taking steps to protect yourself are crucial for regaining autonomy and confidence.

Dr. Ramani’s extensive work, including her books and media appearances, has been instrumental in shedding light on the pervasive nature of gaslighting and narcissistic abuse, empowering individuals to recognize and break free from these toxic dynamics.

If you suspect you are experiencing gaslighting, know that you are not alone. Seeking support and prioritizing self-care can help you reclaim your reality and rebuild a healthy sense of self-worth.

For a deeper understanding of gaslighting and strategies to defend your self-worth, you might find this video by Dr. Ramani insightful:

How to Defend Your Self-Worth from Gaslighting | Dr. Ramani

Inside Out 2: Introducing new Emotions like Ennui

Inside Out 2: A Fun and In-Depth Psychological Adventure into Growing Emotions

Grab your popcorn and get ready to take a wild ride back into Riley’s mind! Inside Out 2 is here, and it’s bringing a brand-new emotional rollercoaster that perfectly captures the messy, wonderful, and sometimes terrifying world of adolescence. If the first Inside Out movie made us rethink our relationship with Joy and Sadness, the sequel is about to show us just how complex emotions can get as we grow up.

Let’s take a deep dive into the psychological magic of Inside Out 2—because this movie isn’t just fun; it’s a brilliant portrayal of the inner workings of the human mind.

New Emotions, New Challenges

If you thought Riley’s five core emotions—Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust—had their hands full before, wait until you meet their new roommates: Anxiety, Envy, Embarrassment, and Ennui (Boredom). Each one brings something unique to the table, adding layers of emotional complexity that every teen (and let’s be honest, adult) can relate to.

• Anxiety: The ultimate overthinker, Anxiety is here to make sure Riley is constantly aware of what could go wrong. Anxiety plays a crucial role in real life, too—it helps us prepare for the future, but too much of it can make us feel overwhelmed. Sound familiar?

• Envy: If social media had an emotion, it would be Envy. This little green-eyed character represents the all-too-common feeling of comparing ourselves to others, especially during adolescence when fitting in becomes a top priority.

• Embarrassment: Awkward moments? Yep, Embarrassment is the one making you cringe at your own existence. This emotion actually serves a purpose, helping us become more aware of social norms and how others perceive us. But sometimes, it feels like the world is ending over the tiniest misstep.

• Ennui (Boredom): The sigh-heavy, eye-rolling embodiment of “meh.” Ennui reflects the feeling of being disengaged, uninterested, or just plain indifferent—a common mood for many teens who are figuring out their passions and purpose in life.

The Science Behind Emotional Complexity

One of the most exciting parts of Inside Out 2 is how accurately it portrays emotional growth. As kids grow into teenagers, their brains undergo massive changes, particularly in the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and emotional regulation. This is why emotions start blending together—what used to be simple feelings now become mixed, like feeling excited and terrified about a big change at the same time.

The movie beautifully illustrates how emotions don’t work in isolation. Joy and Anxiety might clash, but they also work together—just like in real life. This concept aligns with psychological theories that emphasize the importance of emotional integration, where different emotions interact to create a more balanced and mature mindset.

Lessons We Can Take Away

Beyond being an entertaining animated film, Inside Out 2 offers some powerful insights into mental health and emotional well-being. Here are a few takeaways that apply to all of us:

✅ All emotions have a purpose – Even Anxiety, Envy, and Embarrassment play important roles in personal growth. Instead of ignoring them, we should learn how to work with them.

✅ Emotional literacy is key – Teaching kids (and adults) how to identify, understand, and express their emotions leads to better mental health and stronger relationships.

✅ Social pressure is real – The new emotions highlight just how much external influences shape our self-perception. Open conversations about self-worth and resilience can make a huge difference.

✅ It’s okay to feel conflicted – As we grow, emotions become more layered. Feeling both excited and nervous, happy and sad, or proud and embarrassed is completely normal.

Final Thoughts: Why This Movie Matters

Pixar has done it again! Inside Out 2 isn’t just a fun sequel—it’s a brilliant, scientifically grounded look at emotional development. Whether you’re a parent trying to understand your teenager, a therapist helping clients navigate their feelings, or just someone who loves a good animated film with depth, this movie has something for everyone.

So next time you’re feeling overwhelmed by Anxiety, comparing yourself to others with Envy, or cringing at something you did thanks to Embarrassment, just remember—you’re not alone. Your emotions are just trying to help, and Inside Out 2 reminds us all that growing up is complicated, but also beautifully human.

Can Therapy Save My Marriage?

Therapy can save a failing or struggling marriage, but its success depends on several factors, including both partners' willingness to change, the underlying issues, and the approach taken in therapy. Many couples who feel hopeless have been able to rebuild their relationship with the right support. However, in some cases, therapy helps couples gain clarity—whether that means working toward healing or recognizing when it’s healthiest to part ways.

When Therapy Can Help Save a Marriage

If both partners are willing to actively participate, therapy can be highly effective in addressing issues such as:
✔ Communication breakdowns – Learning to express needs, listen effectively, and reduce defensiveness.
✔ Recurring conflicts – Addressing the same fights in a way that leads to resolution instead of resentment.
✔ Emotional disconnection – Rebuilding intimacy, affection, and shared meaning in the relationship.
✔ Betrayal or trust issues – Providing structured guidance for rebuilding after infidelity or emotional wounds.
✔ Life stressors – Helping couples navigate major changes like parenthood, financial struggles, or external pressures.
✔ Differences in needs or expectations – Bridging gaps in emotional, physical, or lifestyle desires.

When Therapy Might Not Save a Marriage

There are situations where therapy may not be enough to repair a relationship, including:
❌ One or both partners refuse to participate or engage – If one person is unwilling to do the work, change is unlikely.
❌ Ongoing abuse or manipulation – Therapy is not a solution for situations involving domestic violence, emotional abuse, or narcissistic control. In these cases, safety is the priority.
❌ Deep resentment or unwillingness to forgive – If past hurts have created irreversible damage and neither partner can let go of bitterness, healing becomes difficult.
❌ One or both partners have emotionally checked out – If a partner is already disengaged, in love with someone else, or unwilling to reconnect, therapy can be ineffective.

What Makes Therapy Successful?

1. Both partners are committed to change – Even if the relationship is deeply strained, a willingness to work through issues is key.

2. A skilled therapist – The right therapist (especially someone trained in Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy, or Imago Therapy) can help break negative patterns.

3. Consistency & effort outside of sessions – Therapy is not just about what happens in the office; couples must apply lessons in real life.

4. Realistic expectations – Healing takes time. Therapy is not a quick fix, but a process.

How Therapy Can Help Even If the Marriage Ends

Even if a couple ultimately decides to separate, therapy can still be valuable by:

• Helping both partners process emotions and reduce hostility.

• Providing tools for co-parenting peacefully if children are involved.

• Offering individual healing to prepare for healthier relationships in the future.

  Why Choose a Therapist who utilizes Gottman Techniques?

The Gottman Method is preferred for couples therapy because it is research-based, practical, and highly effective in improving relationship dynamics. Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this approach is grounded in over 40 years of research on what makes relationships succeed or fail. Here’s why many therapists and couples prefer it:

1. Research-Backed Approach

• The Gottmans studied thousands of couples in their "Love Lab" to identify patterns that predict relationship success or divorce with over 90% accuracy.

• Their findings are science-based, rather than just theoretical.

2. Focus on the "Four Horsemen" & Conflict Resolution

• The method teaches couples how to recognize and counteract the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" in communication:

  1. Criticism (attacking partner’s character)

  2. Defensiveness (avoiding responsibility)

  3. Contempt (sarcasm, name-calling, superiority)

  4. Stonewalling (shutting down, avoiding)

• It provides concrete strategies to replace these behaviors with healthy communication.

3. Emphasis on Friendship & Emotional Connection

• Unlike some therapy models that focus solely on conflict, Gottman strengthens friendship, intimacy, and emotional connection.

• Couples learn to enhance their fondness, admiration, and shared meaning, making the relationship more fulfilling.

4. Practical & Structured Techniques

• The Gottman Method provides easy-to-apply exercises like:

  • The "Love Maps" exercise (knowing each other’s inner world).

  • The "State of the Union" conversation (structured weekly check-ins).

  • The "Repair Attempts" technique (de-escalating conflict before it worsens).

• These tools help couples strengthen their bond outside of therapy.

5. Works for All Relationship Stages

• It is effective for newlyweds, long-term couples, and even high-conflict relationships.

• The method is used for marriage enrichment, premarital counseling, and repair after betrayal.

6. Avoids Blame & Encourages Teamwork

• Gottman’s approach does not label one partner as the “problem.” Instead, it helps both partners see themselves as a team working toward a stronger relationship.

• This makes it less confrontational and more solution-focused.

7. Success in Addressing Infidelity & Trauma

• Gottman therapy provides a structured process for rebuilding trust after betrayal.

• It acknowledges the emotional trauma of betrayal while offering specific steps to heal and reconnect.

8. Long-Term Relationship Success

• Couples who practice Gottman’s techniques tend to have longer-lasting and more fulfilling relationships.

• It promotes ongoing emotional intimacy, not just short-term fixes.

Is Gottman Right for Every Couple?

• While Gottman therapy works for most relationships, couples experiencing extreme abuse, addiction, or untreated mental illness may need additional specialized therapy.

Deciding if couples therapy can help your marriage depends on a few key factors, including the willingness of both partners, the root issues in the relationship, and whether there is still emotional investment. Here’s how to assess whether therapy could be effective for your situation:

Signs That Couples Therapy Can Help

✔ You Both Still Care About the Relationship – Even if things are bad, if you both want to make it work, therapy can help you rebuild.
✔ You Struggle with Communication – Many couples fight over the same things because they don’t know how to communicate their needs effectively. Therapy teaches healthy communication tools that can stop destructive patterns.
✔ You’re Facing Trust Issues but Want to Heal – If there’s been betrayal (infidelity, dishonesty, etc.), therapy can help rebuild trust if both partners are committed to the process.
✔ Arguments Escalate Quickly – If conflicts turn toxic with yelling, blame, or stonewalling, therapy can provide structured conflict resolution skills.
✔ You Feel Like Roommates, Not Partners – If emotional or physical intimacy has faded but there’s still a desire to reconnect, therapy can help restore emotional closeness.
✔ Life Stressors Are Affecting the Relationship – Major life events (job loss, parenting, grief, finances) can create tension. Therapy can help couples navigate external stress without turning on each other.

Signs That Therapy Might Not Help (At Least Right Now)

❌ One or Both Partners Have Checked Out – If one partner is emotionally done and unwilling to try, therapy may not work.
❌ There’s Ongoing Abuse or Manipulation – Therapy is NOT effective if physical, emotional, or psychological abuse is present. Safety should be the priority.
❌ One Partner Refuses to Participate – Therapy requires effort from both people. If one partner is unwilling to engage, progress will be limited.
❌ You’re Only Going to "Prove a Point" – If therapy is being used to blame, manipulate, or get validation rather than to grow, it won’t be productive.
❌ There’s an Ongoing Affair or Addiction Without Willingness to Change – If the behaviors harming the relationship are still happening, therapy won’t be effective until they are addressed.

How to Decide if Therapy Is Worth Trying

• Ask yourself: "Do I want to stay in this relationship and make it work?"

• Ask your partner: "Are you willing to do the work with me?"

• If the answer is "yes" (even with doubts), therapy is worth exploring.

• If the answer is "no" or your partner refuses, individual therapy might be a better next step for you.

Even if you’re unsure, a single with a couples therapist can help determine if therapy would be beneficial. Reach out to us at 616 Counseling if you would like to schedule an initial session.

How do I heal from Betrayal Trauma from a Narcissistic Relationship?

Betrayal trauma in a marriage or relationship with a narcissist is an incredibly painful and complex experience. It happens when someone you deeply trust—your partner—violates that trust in a way that shakes your sense of reality, safety, and self-worth. This type of trauma is especially intense when dealing with a narcissistic partner because their behaviors often involve manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse.

Understanding Betrayal Trauma in a Narcissistic Relationship

Betrayal trauma occurs when a person experiences profound deception, infidelity, or emotional/psychological abuse from someone they depend on for love and security. In a relationship with a narcissist, this can take many forms:

• Infidelity & Deception: A narcissistic partner may cheat, lie, or engage in secretive behavior while gaslighting you into doubting your instincts.

• Emotional Manipulation: They may minimize your feelings, shift blame, or refuse to take accountability for their actions.

• Gaslighting: Making you question your perception of reality, often leading you to believe the betrayal is your fault or that it didn’t happen the way you remember.

• Intermittent Reinforcement: Alternating between love-bombing and devaluation, keeping you emotionally hooked in a cycle of highs and lows.

• Discard & Devalue: If exposed, a narcissistic partner may turn the blame on you, withdraw affection, or even completely discard the relationship without remorse.

The Psychological & Emotional Impact

The effects of betrayal trauma can feel overwhelming, especially when tied to narcissistic abuse. You might experience:

• Cognitive Dissonance: Struggling to reconcile the person you love with the betrayal they committed.

• Hypervigilance & Anxiety: Feeling constantly on edge, waiting for the next emotional attack or betrayal.

• Shame & Self-Doubt: Blaming yourself or believing you're "not enough" because of their actions.

• PTSD-Like Symptoms: Flashbacks, nightmares, and emotional triggers tied to the betrayal.

• Isolation: Feeling alone or misunderstood because the narcissist has manipulated others into believing their narrative.

Healing from Betrayal Trauma

Healing from betrayal trauma, especially in a relationship with a narcissist, is a deeply personal journey. It’s not easy, but it is absolutely possible. Here are some key steps to help you begin rebuilding yourself:

1. Acknowledge the Pain & Validate Your Experience

One of the hardest parts of healing is accepting that what happened was real and that it hurt you deeply. Narcissistic abuse often involves gaslighting, so you may have spent a long time doubting your own reality. It’s crucial to:

• Recognize that your pain is valid.

• Allow yourself to grieve—not just the betrayal but also the loss of the relationship you thought you had.

• Understand that healing is not linear. Some days will be harder than others.

2. Stop Blaming Yourself

Narcissists are skilled at shifting blame onto their partners. You may have internalized this over time, believing that if you were "better," "stronger," or "more lovable," they wouldn’t have hurt you. That’s not true.

• Their actions were a reflection of them, not of your worth.

• Remind yourself: You were manipulated, not "too sensitive" or "not enough."

• Work on self-compassion—speak to yourself the way you would comfort a close friend.

3. Set (and Enforce) Boundaries

If you’re still in contact with your narcissistic ex (especially if you share children or mutual responsibilities), setting strong boundaries is essential.

• Consider no contact if possible. If that’s not an option, use the grey rock method—responding in a neutral, unemotional way to limit their ability to manipulate you.

• Avoid getting drawn into their drama, guilt trips, or attempts to pull you back in.

• Recognize that they may try to provoke you to regain control—don’t take the bait.

4. Rebuild Your Sense of Self

Narcissistic relationships can strip away your self-esteem and identity. Now is the time to reconnect with who you are outside of that relationship.

• Revisit old hobbies and interests you may have set aside.

• Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.

• Start small—set personal goals that remind you of your strength.

5. Process the Trauma with Professional Support

Working with a therapist—especially one experienced in trauma and narcissistic abuse—can help you untangle the emotional damage and build healthy coping strategies.

• Trauma-informed therapy (such as EMDR, CBT, or DBT) can help process betrayal trauma.

• Group therapy or support groups (such as those for survivors of narcissistic abuse) can remind you that you’re not alone.

6. Learn to Trust Again (Starting with Yourself)

After betrayal, trusting others—and even yourself—can feel impossible. Narcissists often erode your ability to trust your own judgment.

• Start small by listening to and honoring your instincts.

• Remind yourself that not everyone is like them. Healthy relationships do exist.

• Take your time. You don’t have to rush into trusting others again.

7. Practice Self-Care & Nervous System Regulation

Betrayal trauma often keeps your body in a heightened state of stress. Learning to calm your nervous system is an essential part of healing. Try:

• Deep breathing exercises (like box breathing).

• Grounding techniques (such as naming five things you can see, hear, or touch when feeling overwhelmed).

• Physical activity—movement can help release stored trauma.

• Journaling to process emotions in a safe way.

8. Let Go of the Need for Closure

One of the most painful parts of healing from a narcissist is accepting that you may never get a genuine apology or closure.

• Narcissists rarely admit fault or take responsibility. Waiting for them to "own up" will only prolong your pain.

• Instead, create your own closure—write a letter you never send, release expectations, and focus on your future.

9. Believe in Your Future

Right now, it may feel like you’ll never be the same. But healing does happen. Over time, you’ll realize:

• The pain lessens.

• You are stronger than you thought.

• You deserve love, respect, and peace.

You are not broken. You are healing. And you don’t have to do it alone. Clinicians at 616 Counseling can help. 💙

What is EMDR and is it for me?

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It’s a type of therapy that helps people process and heal from difficult experiences or traumas that are still affecting them. Sometimes, when something upsetting or traumatic happens, our brains don’t fully process the experience. It’s like the memory gets “stuck,” and whenever something reminds us of it, we can feel like we’re reliving the event, experiencing the same emotions, body sensations, or negative thoughts.

EMDR helps “unstick” these memories so they can be processed in a healthier way. It does this by having you focus on the memory while doing something called bilateral stimulation—usually following the therapist’s fingers as they move back and forth with your eyes or sometimes using sounds or taps that alternate from one side of your body to the other. This back-and-forth movement seems to help your brain process the memory in a way that lets it become less intense and disturbing.

Over time, the goal is for the memory to just feel like something that happened in the past without all the emotional charge it once had. People often find that they can think about the event without feeling as upset or stuck, and they’re able to move forward in their lives.

EMDR can help with a variety of issues, especially those connected to difficult or traumatic experiences. Here are some of the main things it’s often used for:

1. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) – It’s widely known for helping people who’ve been through traumatic events, like accidents, abuse, violence, or military combat. It helps reduce flashbacks, nightmares, and intense emotional reactions linked to those memories.

2. Anxiety and Panic Attacks – EMDR can target the underlying experiences or beliefs that contribute to anxiety, helping reduce panic and anxious thoughts.

3. Depression – Sometimes unresolved experiences or negative beliefs about oneself contribute to depression. EMDR helps reprocess these to reduce their emotional impact.

4. Grief and Loss – It can help people process complex grief or loss, especially if they feel “stuck” in their mourning or are overwhelmed by guilt or other emotions.

5. Phobias – By addressing the root experiences that triggered the phobia, EMDR can help lessen the fear response.

6. Chronic Pain and Illness – In some cases, physical pain is linked to emotional stress or trauma. EMDR can help reduce pain perception by addressing these emotional components.

7. Addictions and Substance Abuse – It can help people understand and resolve the experiences or emotional pain that contribute to addictive behaviors.

8. Self-Esteem and Negative Beliefs – EMDR can help shift deep-seated negative beliefs about oneself, like feeling unworthy or powerless, that might stem from past experiences.

9. Performance Anxiety – Whether it’s related to sports, public speaking, or work, EMDR can help reduce anxiety and improve confidence by processing past experiences that fuel performance fears.

It’s quite a versatile therapy, and the reason it can help with so many different issues is that it focuses on reprocessing the experiences or beliefs underlying the symptoms, not just the symptoms themselves.

Here are some things to consider:

1. Your Experiences and Symptoms

EMDR is particularly helpful if you’re dealing with symptoms related to past experiences, such as:

• Intrusive memories, flashbacks, or nightmares about something that happened.

• Feeling emotionally “stuck” or triggered by certain reminders.

• Anxiety, panic attacks, or fears that seem linked to past events.

• Negative self-beliefs, like feeling unworthy or powerless, that you suspect are connected to earlier experiences.

2. Trying Other Therapies

If you’ve tried other types of therapy (like talk therapy or CBT) and felt like you were just talking about the problem without fully processing it, EMDR might help you work through it on a deeper level.

3. Readiness to Process Memories

EMDR involves revisiting memories that might be painful or upsetting, but in a controlled, safe way. It’s important to feel ready—or at least open—to facing and processing these memories. A trained therapist will make sure you feel safe and grounded before diving into the harder parts.

4. Working with a Trained Therapist

The success of EMDR often depends on working with a therapist who’s specifically trained and experienced in EMDR. They’ll assess your situation, help you prepare, and guide you through the process.

5. Consultation and Evaluation

The best way to know for sure is to have an initial consultation with an EMDR therapist. They can evaluate your symptoms and history to see if EMDR is a good match for you.

During an EMDR session, you can expect the following steps:

1. History and Preparation

In the first few sessions, the therapist will get to know you, your history, and what you want to work on. They’ll help you identify specific memories or experiences that are linked to the issues you’re facing. They’ll also teach you some coping skills to help you stay grounded and safe during the process, like deep breathing or visualization techniques.

2. Targeting a Memory

Once you’re ready to begin EMDR, you’ll focus on a specific memory. The therapist will guide you to identify:

• The image or part of the memory that feels most distressing.

• Negative beliefs about yourself linked to the memory (e.g., “I’m powerless” or “I’m not safe”).

• Positive beliefs you’d like to have instead (e.g., “I am in control now” or “I am safe”).

• Emotions and body sensations connected to the memory.

3. Bilateral Stimulation

This is the core of EMDR. The therapist will use something that stimulates both sides of your brain alternately, such as:

• Eye movements – You follow the therapist’s fingers moving back and forth with your eyes.

• Tapping – The therapist might tap on your hands or shoulders, or you can tap on yourself.

• Sounds – You might listen to alternating tones through headphones.

4. Processing the Memory

While focusing on the memory and using bilateral stimulation, you’ll notice whatever comes up—thoughts, feelings, images, or body sensations. You don’t have to analyze or explain them; just notice them. The therapist will pause periodically and ask what you’re noticing. Then, they’ll guide you to continue focusing until the memory feels less distressing.

5. Installing Positive Beliefs

Once the memory feels less intense, the therapist will help you focus on the positive belief you want to associate with it (e.g., “I am safe now”) and use bilateral stimulation to “install” that belief, helping it feel more true and real.

6. Body Scan

You’ll then do a body scan to see if any tension or discomfort remains related to the memory. If it does, the therapist will help you process it.

7. Closure and Grounding

Each session ends with grounding techniques to make sure you feel safe and stable before leaving. If the memory wasn’t fully processed in one session, the therapist will make sure it’s safely “contained” until the next session.

8. Between Sessions

You might have new insights, emotions, or dreams between sessions as your brain continues processing. The therapist will give you tools to manage this and might ask you to keep a journal.

How Long Does EMDR Take?

The length of EMDR therapy can vary depending on the person and the issues they’re working on. Here’s a general idea:

• Number of Sessions: Some people feel significant relief in just a few sessions, especially if they’re working on a single event or trauma. However, for more complex issues—like repeated trauma, long-term anxiety, or deeply rooted negative beliefs—it can take several months or more.

• Session Length: Sessions are usually about 60-90 minutes each. This gives enough time to process memories and do grounding work to end the session safely.

• Phases of EMDR: EMDR has 8 phases, starting with history-taking and preparation, and moving through memory processing and closure. It’s not just about processing memories but also about preparing and building coping skills.

What Does It Feel Like?

The experience of EMDR is different for everyone, but here’s what many people report:

• During the Session: You might notice images, thoughts, emotions, or even body sensations related to the memory. Some people feel intense emotions, while others feel detached, like they’re watching the memory from a distance. You don’t lose control—you’re fully aware of where you are and what’s happening.

• After the Session: It’s normal to feel tired or emotionally drained, but some people also feel relief or a sense of resolution. It’s possible to have vivid dreams or new insights as your brain continues processing.

• Long-Term Effects: Over time, the memory often feels less intense or upsetting. You’ll remember the event, but it won’t carry the same emotional charge. People often report feeling more empowered and less “stuck.”

Please contact us if you have questions or would like to explore EMDR treatment.

Navigating Postpartum Depression During the Holiday Season: Support from Megan Wen, LMSW, PMH-C

The holiday season is meant to be a time of joy and celebration, but for new mothers coping with postpartum depression (PPD), it can feel overwhelming and isolating. If you’re struggling with feelings of sadness, anxiety, or guilt as a new mom during the holidays, you’re not alone—and help is available.

In this blog, we’ll explore how PPD can feel intensified during the holiday season and provide actionable tips for navigating this time. Plus, discover how Megan Wen, LMSW, PMH-C, a licensed therapist specializing in perinatal mental health, can provide the expert support you need.

What Is Postpartum Depression?

Postpartum depression affects roughly 1 in 7 new mothers, manifesting as persistent sadness, anxiety, irritability, and feelings of hopelessness. Unlike the “baby blues,” which resolve within a few weeks, PPD can linger for months, affecting your ability to enjoy motherhood and daily life.

During the holidays, these feelings can become even more pronounced due to:

• Heightened Expectations: The pressure to create a “perfect” holiday can feel overwhelming.

• Social Obligations: Family gatherings and social events may feel draining or anxiety-inducing.

• Disrupted Routines: Holiday schedules can interfere with your baby’s sleep patterns and your ability to rest.

• Emotional Reflection: The contrast between societal cheer and personal struggles can intensify feelings of inadequacy or guilt.

How to Manage Postpartum Depression During the Holidays

1. Set Realistic Goals: Forget perfection; focus on small, meaningful moments that matter to you and your baby.

2. Prioritize Rest: Sleep deprivation can worsen PPD. Stick to a routine and seek help when needed to prioritize rest.

3. Establish Boundaries: It’s okay to say no to events or traditions that feel overwhelming. Your mental health comes first.

4. Seek Support: Talk openly with your partner, trusted loved ones, or a therapist about what you’re experiencing.

5. Connect with a Professional: A mental health professional specializing in postpartum care can help you develop effective coping strategies.

Meet Megan Wen, LMSW, PMH-C

If you’re feeling overwhelmed this holiday season, Megan Wen, LMSW, PMH-C, is here to support you. As a licensed social worker and certified perinatal mental health specialist, Megan is dedicated to helping mothers navigate the unique challenges of postpartum depression with empathy and expertise.

Megan offers personalized care tailored to your needs, including practical tools to manage stress, improve your emotional well-being, and embrace the joys of motherhood—even during difficult times.

Why Choose Megan Wen?

• Specialized Expertise: Megan is certified in perinatal mental health, providing a deep understanding of the challenges faced by new moms.

• Compassionate Approach: Her empathetic, nonjudgmental style creates a safe space for you to share and heal.

• Actionable Strategies: Megan focuses on empowering you with practical tools to manage your mental health and thrive as a mother.

Take the First Step Toward Healing

Postpartum depression is challenging, but it’s treatable. With the right support, you can regain a sense of balance, confidence, and joy.

Visit Megan Wen, LMSW, PMH-C to learn more about her services or schedule an appointment. Don’t let postpartum depression define your holiday season—let Megan help you create a path toward peace and well-being.

Make this holiday season about giving yourself the gift of care and compassion. Reach out to Megan Wen today. You deserve to feel supported, understood, and empowered in your motherhood journey.

New Moms Support Group

Motherhood is a life-changing journey, but it can also come with unexpected challenges. If you’re struggling with postpartum depression or other perinatal mental health concerns, you’re not alone. Megan Wen, a compassionate professional with advanced training in trauma-informed care and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, is here to help you navigate this transition with understanding and support.

This support group offers a safe and welcoming space where moms can share their experiences, find encouragement, and build connections with others who truly understand. Research shows that support groups can reduce feelings of isolation, improve mood, and promote resilience in managing postpartum challenges.

We understand how difficult it can be to find time for yourself as a mom. That’s why this group is designed with flexibility in mind. Moms are welcome to bring their babies, so you don’t have to choose between getting support and caring for your little one. Whether you need to nurse, soothe, or simply hold your baby during the session, you’re encouraged to do whatever works best for you to participate meaningfully.

Together, we’ll explore ways to manage the emotional, physical, and social changes of motherhood while celebrating small victories and building confidence. Join us to find the strength, understanding, and connection you need during this transformative time.

Take the first step toward feeling better—you deserve it.

Sign up today and begin your journey to a more supported motherhood.

The Art of Letting Go

The Benefits of Art Therapy for Perfectionists

Written by Kylie DeWard

Young adults are reporting significantly higher scores for perfectionism now than they were in previous generations, according to the American Psychological Association. Young adults aren’t the only ones struggling, though. It seems that everywhere, particularly in the media, there is an unspoken message whispering to us, “None of this is good enough, and neither are you!” 

In the face of perfectionism, art therapy can serve as a powerful antidote. Art therapy fosters mindfulness, openness, expression, and acceptance of mistakes, all of which are lost in the abyss of perfectionistic thinking. The integration of art in the counseling space is a relatively new implementation, but the benefits have already been shown to be remarkable. 

Understanding Perfectionism

Perfectionism is the relentless desire for everything to be correct and flawless. This can manifest in a variety of ways, and differently for each age group.

For adults, perfectionism can look like: 

• Avoiding tasks that need to get done

• Being hypercritical of others

• Having acute awareness of how things could go wrong

• Feeling apathetic towards achievements

• Making a mistake triggers intense shame

For teenagers, perfectionism can look like: 

• All-or-nothing thinking

• Defensiveness/sensitivity to criticism

• Often bringing up past failures in conversation

• Self-consciousness

• Difficulty making decisions / General procrastination

For kids, perfectionism can look like: 

• Difficulty getting started with a task, an activity, or play (task paralysis)

• Big meltdowns after receiving correction

• Extreme frustration after setbacks or mistakes

• Negative self-talk (“I am bad”)

• Vocally critical of others

The growth of social media offers no comfort to these feelings. Societal pressures and expectations only seem to grow continually, which makes the increase of perfectionism in recent years no surprise. 

How Art Therapy Heals

Did you know Jackson Pollock’s famous drip paintings were created thanks to an accident? Accidents happen all the time during artistic creation, and that is the beauty of art therapy! Art therapy has been shown to offer healing to perfectionistic thinking. In a safe environment, like those created in a counseling space, art can show us how to adapt and make the most of our mistakes. Rather than seeing an error as a reason to quit, shut down, or belittle ourselves, art shows us that mistakes can actually lead to beautiful masterpieces!

Counselors who utilize art therapy may ask you to express and explore through something like a drawing, a painting, or building blocks. You would be surprised how much insight you and a counselor can gain from observing how you create! This unique form of expression paired with the freedom of creativity restores feelings of control, self-understanding, and self-esteem. It is a beautiful process!

What We Do at 616 Counseling

In a world of growing perfectionism, it is important for counselors to keep up with best practices to properly aid those struggling. At 616 Counseling, we not only provide art therapy services, but we have an entire room of our office dedicated to art and play therapy for limitless opportunities for expression. From an indoor sandbox to countless drawing, painting, and doodling tools, to sensory toys, to fidgets and Legos… we offer countless ways to engage in art and play therapy, so you can decide what works best for you.

If you think you, your child, or a loved one would benefit from this style of counseling, we highly recommend reaching out for support through our website.