Rewriting Your Story: How to Not Let Your Past Define You

Many of us carry stories about who we are based on where we’ve been—painful memories, past mistakes, or labels given to us by others. As a therapist, I often hear clients say things like, “This is just who I am,” or “I can’t change because of what happened to me.” That’s why the recent episode of the Modern Wisdom podcast featuring psychologist and author Scott Barry Kaufman felt like such a powerful and compassionate invitation to think differently.

In “How to Not Let Your Past Define You,” Kaufman shares both research and personal wisdom about the human capacity for growth. It’s a conversation rooted in science but delivered with heart—a reminder that while our past shapes us, it doesn’t have to imprison us.

Your Past Is a Chapter, Not the Whole Story

Kaufman emphasizes that our identities are not fixed. Who you were five or ten years ago is not who you have to be today. He talks about the concept of the “false self”—a version of ourselves we construct early in life in order to survive, gain approval, or feel safe. Often, that false self becomes so familiar that we confuse it with our true nature.

Through reflection and healing, Kaufman believes we can reconnect with the authentic self—the version of us that exists beneath the defenses, wounds, and roles we’ve been conditioned to play. This process doesn’t erase the past, but it frees us from being controlled by it.

Trauma Doesn’t Define You—But It Does Deserve Care

A particularly meaningful part of the conversation is Kaufman’s acknowledgment of trauma’s real impact. He doesn’t minimize the pain that many people carry. Instead, he encourages a more compassionate perspective: trauma changes us, but it doesn’t have to be our identity.

He introduces the idea of post-traumatic growth—the potential not just to survive difficulty, but to emerge from it with greater clarity, resilience, and purpose. Growth doesn’t mean the pain didn’t matter—it means it doesn’t get to tell the final story.

Practical Ways to Move Forward

Throughout the podcast, Kaufman offers thoughtful guidance on how to begin loosening the grip of the past:

• Practice Self-Compassion – Speak to yourself like you would to someone you deeply care about. Healing begins with kindness, not criticism.

• Reevaluate Your Core Beliefs – Ask yourself: “Is this belief about myself still true?” Many beliefs formed in childhood no longer serve us as adults.

• Allow for Psychological Flexibility – You don’t have to stay the same to be consistent. Growth is not betrayal—it’s evolution.

• Surround Yourself with Growth-Oriented Relationships – Seek people who see you for who you’re becoming, not just who you’ve been.

Therapy as a Space to Reclaim Your Narrative

As a therapist, I see firsthand how liberating it can be when someone realizes they are not their past. Therapy can offer a safe, structured space to explore old wounds, challenge limiting beliefs, and begin rewriting your inner narrative.

Kaufman’s message is ultimately one of hope: no matter what you’ve experienced, there is always room for healing, change, and self-discovery.

Final Thought: You Are Not Your History

Your past may be part of your story, but it doesn’t have to be your identity. You are allowed to change. You are allowed to grow. And you are worthy of a future that reflects your true self—not just your old wounds.

Rewiring Your Brain and Manifesting Your Dreams

When we hear words like “manifestation,” many of us picture vision boards, positive affirmations, or vague promises from self-help gurus. But what happens when a neuroscientist steps into the conversation? In a compelling episode of The Daily Motivation Podcast, Dr. Tara Swart Bieber—a medical doctor, neuroscientist, and author—offers a grounded, research-based perspective on how we can actually rewire our brains to move toward our deepest goals.

As a therapist, I’m always interested in the intersection of science and personal growth. This episode is a meaningful reminder that change isn’t about magic—it’s about neuroplasticity, intentional focus, and the courage to believe we’re worthy of more.

The Brain Is Wired to Survive—Not to Dream

Dr. Swart Bieber begins by explaining a simple but powerful truth: the human brain is biologically wired for safety and efficiency, not necessarily for thriving or dreaming. Our habits, thoughts, and emotional reactions are shaped by past experiences, especially the ones tied to survival—physical or emotional.

This means that change—whether it’s pursuing a dream, building a new identity, or leaving behind limiting beliefs—can feel uncomfortable or even threatening. But the good news is that the brain is capable of rewiring itself when we engage it with intention and consistency.

Visualization Isn’t Fluff—It’s Neuroplasticity at Work

One of the most valuable insights Dr. Swart Bieber shares is that visualization—a key part of manifestation—is backed by neuroscience. When we vividly imagine a desired outcome, our brain begins to create neural pathways similar to those formed by real experiences. This helps our goals feel more emotionally and cognitively familiar, making it easier to act in alignment with them.

But she’s clear: visualization alone isn’t enough. Real manifestation combines vision with effort, repetition, and emotional engagement. In her words, “You can’t just wish for something—you have to train your brain to believe it’s possible, and then build the habits to support it.”

Rewiring Your Brain: The Science-Backed Steps

Dr. Swart Bieber outlines several strategies that align beautifully with therapeutic work:

1. Clarify What You Want
   Be specific. Vague hopes don’t activate the brain as powerfully as detailed visions. Ask yourself not just what you want, but why it matters.

2. Engage Emotionally
   Emotions are essential to learning and memory. If your goals don’t stir something inside you, your brain won’t prioritize them. Passion gives rewiring power.

3. Challenge Limiting Beliefs
   Many people have unconscious beliefs formed in childhood—like “I’m not good enough” or “People like me don’t succeed.” These can sabotage progress unless brought into conscious awareness and reworked.

4. Create Daily Rituals
   Whether it’s journaling, meditation, or affirmations, consistent rituals help reinforce new neural patterns. Repetition is the brain’s love language.

5. Surround Yourself with Growth
   The people around us shape our identity and mindset. Seek community and content that supports your evolving self.

Manifestation and Mental Health

As a therapist, I especially appreciated Dr. Swart Bieber’s emphasis on realism and responsibility. Manifestation doesn’t mean denying pain or pretending everything is okay. It means acknowledging what is and believing in what could be.

For individuals navigating trauma, anxiety, or depression, this process may take more time and care. Therapy can be a powerful support system—offering tools to uncover limiting beliefs, build self-worth, and take small, sustainable steps toward change.

Final Thought: You’re Allowed to Dream Bigger

Dr. Tara Swart Bieber’s message is ultimately one of empowerment: your brain is not fixed, and your future is not written in stone. With intention, practice, and support, you can rewire the way you think, feel, and act—and move closer to a life that reflects your values, purpose, and dreams.

So the next time you hesitate to dream, remember: science is on your side.

Understanding Betrayal Blindness: Why We Sometimes Don’t See What’s Hurting Us

There are moments in therapy when a client describes a relationship that’s deeply painful—filled with manipulation, deceit, or emotional neglect—yet they speak of it with confusion, even loyalty. “I don’t know why I didn’t see it sooner,” they might say. Or, “Part of me still doesn’t want to believe it.”

This phenomenon has a name: betrayal blindness. In a powerful episode of the Navigating Narcissism podcast, psychologist and researcher Dr. Jennifer Freyd unpacks this concept, which she originally coined. Her explanation offers both clarity and compassion for those who’ve been hurt in ways that were hard—or even impossible—to recognize at the time.

What Is Betrayal Blindness?

Betrayal blindness is the unconscious suppression or distortion of awareness in order to preserve an important relationship or sense of safety—especially when the betrayer is someone we depend on. It’s not denial in the usual sense. It’s a survival mechanism.

As Dr. Freyd explains, it often occurs in relationships where there is an imbalance of power, such as with a parent, partner, boss, or institution. When acknowledging the betrayal would threaten our emotional or physical security, the brain may instinctively look the other way.

In other words, not seeing the betrayal is sometimes what keeps us psychologically afloat—at least for a while.

Why Betrayal Can Be So Hard to Recognize

Betrayal blindness is especially common in narcissistic or emotionally abusive dynamics, where gaslighting, minimization, and blame-shifting are frequent. The person being harmed may start to doubt their own reality. They may rationalize bad behavior or assume it’s their fault.

Dr. Freyd notes that betrayal is not just about broken trust—it’s about broken trust within a relationship we feel we can’t afford to lose. This is why many survivors of abuse, neglect, or toxic relationships struggle with delayed awareness. The cost of seeing the truth feels too high at the time.

How Betrayal Blindness Shows Up

• In Childhood: A child may ignore or forget emotional neglect or abuse to preserve their attachment to a parent.

• In Romantic Relationships: An adult may downplay or overlook red flags in order to maintain intimacy or avoid abandonment.

• In Institutions: Employees or students may stay silent about harm to protect their standing or avoid retaliation.

The Path to Awareness and Healing

One of the most validating messages from Dr. Freyd’s work is that betrayal blindness is not a weakness—it’s a response to vulnerability. It's a way the mind protects us when we're not yet ready to face the full weight of a painful truth.

Here’s what healing can look like:

1. Self-Compassion First
   If you’re just beginning to name past betrayals, be gentle with yourself. The brain does what it needs to do to keep us safe.

2. Therapeutic Support
   A therapist can help unpack the layered emotions that come with seeing a betrayal clearly—grief, anger, shame, and confusion.

3. Reclaiming Your Narrative
   As awareness grows, so does the ability to make different choices, set healthier boundaries, and rebuild trust in yourself.

4. Recognizing Patterns Without Blame
   Betrayal blindness isn’t your fault. Not seeing doesn’t mean you were complicit—it means you were trying to survive.

Final Thought: Your Eyes Open When You’re Ready

Dr. Jennifer Freyd’s insights remind us that healing doesn’t happen on a timeline—it unfolds as our minds and hearts feel safe enough to tell the truth. If you’re starting to question something that once felt normal, you’re not crazy—you’re waking up.

Betrayal blindness may have helped you survive. But awareness is what will help you heal.

If You're a People Pleaser, This One's for You

As a therapist, I often sit with people who carry the weight of saying “yes” when they mean “no,” of over extending themselves to avoid conflict, or of feeling consumed by the fear of letting others down. This is the quiet and exhausting world of people-pleasing—and it’s more common than you might think.

In a compassionate and insightful episode of his podcast On Purpose, Jay Shetty explores the roots and consequences of people-pleasing with both depth and practicality. If you’ve ever felt like your needs come second to everyone else’s—or you don’t even know what your needs are anymore—this episode offers not just validation, but a path toward emotional freedom.

Why Do We People Please?

Jay explains that people-pleasing is often a survival strategy learned early in life. Whether it came from growing up in a home where love felt conditional, or from environments where being agreeable helped avoid conflict, many of us learned to prioritize others’ comfort over our own authenticity.

At its core, people-pleasing is about fear—fear of rejection, of being disliked, of not being “enough.” But over time, that fear-based habit can lead to chronic stress, resentment, and even identity confusion. We lose touch with who we really are.

The Cost of Constantly Saying “Yes”

Shetty highlights a powerful truth: when you always say yes to others, you might be saying no to yourself.

This can show up in subtle but harmful ways:

• You feel guilty resting or taking time for yourself

• You agree to things even when you feel overwhelmed or burned out

• You avoid expressing opinions, needs, or boundaries for fear of upsetting others

• You feel responsible for others’ feelings and reactions

These patterns can lead to emotional exhaustion and a diminished sense of self-worth. And yet—they often go unnoticed, because people-pleasers are usually the helpers, the peacemakers, the ones who seem to “have it all together.”

How to Start Reclaiming Your Voice

Jay offers several gentle but transformative insights for breaking free from people-pleasing:

1. Check in with Your “Why”
   Before agreeing to something, ask: Am I doing this from love or from fear? Choosing from love is expansive; choosing from fear is depleting.

2. Practice Micro-Boundaries
   Start small—say no to a favor, take a break before replying, or let someone know you need time to think. Boundaries are a muscle we build over time.

3. Let Go of Being “Nice”
   Jay challenges the idea that kindness means self-abandonment. Being kind doesn’t mean being compliant. True kindness includes honesty and respect—for others and yourself.

4. Redefine Your Value
   Your worth isn’t based on how useful, agreeable, or low-maintenance you are. It’s based on your inherent humanity. You are allowed to take up space.

A Therapist’s Take: It’s Safe to Be You

In therapy, people-pleasers often come to realize they’ve been living on autopilot—saying yes, avoiding conflict, smiling through discomfort. The good news is: these patterns can change. And awareness is the first step.

Jay Shetty’s episode is not about shaming people for their coping strategies. It’s about gently waking up to the possibility that you matter too. Your preferences, your limits, your voice—all of it is worthy of being honored.

Final Thought: You’re Not Selfish for Choosing Yourself

If you recognize yourself in this episode, know this: you’re not broken. You’re not dramatic. You’ve simply learned to meet others’ needs at the expense of your own—and now, you’re ready to come home to yourself.

Healing from people-pleasing doesn’t happen overnight. But with each boundary you set, each time you honor your truth, you send a message to your nervous system: it’s safe to be me.

And that, more than anything, is the beginning of real freedom.

Stop Ignoring Red Flags: How to Trust Yourself in Relationships

Many of us have been there: looking back on a relationship—romantic, professional, or even familial—and realizing that the signs were there all along. The discomfort, the gut instinct, the small voice saying “this doesn’t feel right.” And yet, we stayed. We minimized. We hoped.

In a compelling episode of On Purpose, Jay Shetty sits down with psychologist and relationship expert Sadia Khan to talk about one of the most important—and often overlooked—topics in relationship health: red flags. Their conversation is a direct, honest, and deeply validating look at why we ignore red flags, how it impacts our emotional well-being, and what we can do to start paying closer attention to ourselves.

As a therapist, I found this conversation not only insightful but necessary. Too many people blame themselves for not noticing sooner, when in truth, they were never taught how to trust their inner wisdom.

What Are Red Flags—and Why Do We Miss Them?

Red flags are signs of misalignment, manipulation, or emotional harm—behaviors that indicate a person may not be emotionally safe or capable of a healthy relationship. They can include:

• Inconsistent communication

• Lack of accountability

• Love-bombing followed by withdrawal

• Disrespecting your boundaries

• Gaslighting or making you question your reality

Sadia explains that we often overlook these signs not because we’re naïve or weak, but because we’re emotionally invested, hopeful, or conditioned to override discomfort to maintain connection.

She also notes that red flags are easy to spot in hindsight—but much harder to see in real time, especially when we don’t want to believe someone could harm us.

The Role of Self-Worth

One of the most important takeaways from the conversation is that our ability to notice and respond to red flags is deeply tied to our self-worth. When we don’t feel worthy of healthy love, we’re more likely to accept poor treatment, rationalize bad behavior, or blame ourselves for someone else’s emotional unavailability.

Sadia puts it beautifully: “We don’t ignore red flags because we can’t see them—we ignore them because we think we don’t deserve better.”

From a therapeutic lens, this is where healing begins. When we work on rebuilding self-esteem, strengthening boundaries, and unlearning codependent patterns, we also sharpen our ability to discern what is and isn’t healthy.

Learning to Trust Your Inner Alarm System

Jay and Sadia highlight a key piece of wisdom: your body often knows before your brain does. That uneasy feeling in your stomach, the anxiety that creeps in after a conversation, or the confusion that clouds your judgment—these are signals, not coincidences.

Therapy can be a safe space to reconnect with those internal cues. Often, clients will say, “I knew something felt off, but I didn’t trust myself.” The truth is, many of us were raised to prioritize others’ needs and emotions over our own instincts. Relearning self-trust is a powerful act of emotional self-protection.

Healthy Relationships Aren’t Built on Hope Alone

While red flags shouldn't necessarily lead to instant cutoffs, they are invitations to slow down, ask questions, and observe patterns. Sadia and Jay remind us that love is not about ignoring reality to preserve fantasy. It’s about building connection through truth, consistency, and emotional safety.

They also discuss how emotional maturity in a partner looks like:

• Owning their mistakes

• Respecting your boundaries

• Communicating with honesty and empathy

• Growing with you—not at your expense

Final Thought: You’re Allowed to Walk Away

If you’ve ignored red flags in the past, you’re not alone—and you’re not broken. You were doing your best with what you knew at the time.

The beautiful truth is: you’re allowed to change. You’re allowed to choose differently now. And you’re allowed to trust your instincts, even when they go against what you wish were true.

Sadia Khan and Jay Shetty’s conversation is a powerful reminder that noticing red flags isn’t about becoming cynical or guarded. It’s about becoming clear, grounded, and compassionate—with others, and most importantly, with yourself.

What Every Young Adult Should Know About “Adulting”

Growing up comes with a lot of invisible milestones. Beyond the degrees, jobs, and relationships lies something more elusive—and often more overwhelming: the process of becoming an adult. Or as it’s commonly known today, “adulting.”

As a therapist, I often work with young adults navigating this complex life stage. The transition from adolescence to adulthood isn’t just about gaining independence—it’s about managing responsibilities, building emotional resilience, and shaping your own identity in a world that often feels confusing or uncertain.

If you’re in your 20s or early 30s and feeling like everyone else “has it figured out” while you’re still trying to keep your plants alive, please know: you are not alone. Adulting is a process, not a destination. And no one gets it perfect.

Here are some of the most important things I believe every young adult should know:

1. It’s Okay to Not Have All the Answers

You don’t need to have your entire life plan figured out by 25. Or 30. Or even 40. The idea that success must follow a strict timeline is outdated and unhelpful. Life unfolds in phases. You’re allowed to explore, change your mind, and take your time.

2. Emotional Maturity Matters Just as Much as Practical Skills

Paying bills, managing appointments, and doing laundry are real parts of adulting—but so are setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, and learning how to manage stress and disappointment. Emotional regulation and self-awareness are skills worth building.

3. You Are Not Behind

Social media has a way of making us feel like we’re constantly behind. But people are sharing highlight reels, not reality. Your journey is uniquely yours, and there is no “right” timeline for hitting life’s milestones.

4. Asking for Help Is a Strength, Not a Weakness

Whether it’s asking how health insurance works, reaching out to a mentor, or seeking therapy—it’s brave and wise to ask for support. Nobody becomes a capable adult completely on their own.

5. Financial Literacy Is a Lifelong Learning Curve

You don’t need to master investing overnight. But understanding budgeting, saving, and debt can give you a powerful sense of control. And remember: your financial worth is not your self-worth.

6. Friendships Take More Effort—and That’s Normal

In adulthood, friendships often require intentional effort. People move, work different hours, or get busy with other responsibilities. It doesn’t mean your connections are weak; it means they need care, just like anything important in life.

7. Burnout Isn’t a Badge of Honor

Rest is not earned—it’s essential. Learn to recognize the signs of burnout and give yourself permission to recharge before you hit a wall. Productivity should never come at the cost of your mental or physical health.

8. It’s Okay to Outgrow Things (and People)

As you grow, your values may shift. That’s not a betrayal of your past—it’s a sign of self-development. Letting go of what no longer serves you is an act of courage, not failure.

Final Thought: You’re Already Doing More Than You Think

If no one has told you lately: you’re doing just fine. Adulting isn’t about doing everything perfectly—it’s about showing up for yourself, learning as you go, and being kind to yourself in the process.

Being an adult means you get to create a life that reflects who you are—not who you think you’re supposed to be. That journey takes time, patience, and support. And you don’t have to do it alone.

The Hidden Truth Behind AI

In a world increasingly shaped by artificial intelligence, it’s easy to feel both awe and unease. As a therapist, I often hear clients express anxiety about the future—jobs, relationships, and even their sense of identity in the face of rapidly advancing technology. That’s why Simon Sinek’s recent conversation on the DOAC podcast, titled “You’re Being Lied To About AI’s Real Purpose,” struck a chord with me. It offered not just insight, but an opportunity for meaningful reflection on how we engage with technology as human beings.

Unpacking the Real Purpose of AI

According to Sinek, much of the narrative around AI has been misleading. We’ve been told that artificial intelligence is here to enhance our lives—make us more efficient, more productive, more connected. And in many ways, it does. But Sinek challenges us to dig deeper. He argues that AI, as it’s currently being developed and deployed, is driven not by a desire to elevate humanity but by profit motives and efficiency models that often prioritize shareholder value over human well-being.

He draws parallels between AI and social media—tools initially marketed as ways to foster connection but which have also contributed to loneliness, division, and mental health challenges. The key issue, Sinek suggests, is that these technologies are rarely designed with human flourishing in mind.

The Human Cost of "Efficiency"

One of the most compelling aspects of the podcast was Sinek’s emphasis on what we lose when we overly rely on AI: empathy, nuance, and the messiness that makes us human. He cautions against a future in which AI systems are making decisions once reserved for human judgment—such as hiring, healthcare, and even therapeutic interventions.

As a therapist, I found myself nodding along. So much of what we do in therapy resists quick solutions and binary thinking. Healing happens in the in-between spaces—through patience, presence, and imperfection. These are not qualities that algorithms can easily replicate.

A Call for Ethical Innovation

Rather than demonizing AI, Sinek calls for a more conscious, ethical approach to innovation—one that centers humanity rather than efficiency. He encourages developers, leaders, and everyday users to ask not just can we do this, but should we?

This question resonates deeply in the therapy room. It’s the same kind of reflective pause we invite our clients to take when making decisions: Is this aligned with your values? Is this in service of your long-term well-being?

What This Means for Us

So how do we respond to AI not with fear, but with wisdom?

1. Stay Curious – Instead of accepting tech narratives at face value, we can question who benefits and who may be harmed.

2. Protect the Human Element – Whether in business, education, or therapy, we must preserve space for real human connection.

3. Advocate for Ethical Use – Our voices matter. Supporting ethical standards and mental health-informed policies can guide how AI is integrated into society.

Simon Sinek reminds us that the future isn’t just about machines—it’s about us. Our choices now will determine whether AI is a tool that serves humanity or one that shapes us into something less human.

Final Thought

As we continue to explore the intersection of psychology and technology, let’s hold space for both concern and hope. AI isn’t inherently good or bad—it’s a reflection of the people who create and use it. And if we stay engaged, informed, and connected to our values, we can help shape a future where both people and progress thrive.

Atlas of the Heart: Mapping the Language of Human Emotion (and Why It Matters)

“I Don’t Know What I’m Feeling” — And Why That’s Completely Normal

Have you ever said something like:

• “I don’t know what I’m feeling — I just feel off.”

• “I’m either totally fine or completely falling apart.”

• “I wish I could explain what’s going on inside me.”

If so, you’re not alone. Honestly, most of us didn’t grow up learning how to truly understand our emotions. We might’ve been taught to be polite, to keep calm, or to just push through — but not how to slow down, check in, and really name what’s happening beneath the surface.

As a therapist, I hear versions of this every day. And I get it — it’s frustrating to feel something deeply but not be able to put it into words. That’s where Brené Brown’s Atlas of the Heart can be such a powerful companion.

In this book, Brené maps out 87 different human emotions and experiences. Not just to give them labels — but to help us understand them. To give us a shared language for things we’ve felt but maybe didn’t know how to name. And that, in itself, can be incredibly healing.

What Makes This Book So Helpful (From a Therapist’s Perspective)

1. Language Helps Us Regulate Emotion

One of the biggest takeaways from Atlas of the Heart is that when we can’t name what we’re feeling, we tend to get stuck in it. Brené pulls from research showing that simply labeling an emotion can calm our nervous system and increase self-awareness (Lieberman et al., 2007).

Why this matters in therapy: When clients expand their emotional vocabulary, they often notice a drop in anxiety, better communication in relationships, and a greater sense of calm. It’s like turning on the lights in a room that used to feel overwhelming.

2. “Negative” Emotions Aren’t Bad — They’re Messengers

Brené challenges the idea that feelings like anger or sadness are problems to fix. Instead, she invites us to see them as signals — clues that something important (like a need, value, or boundary) might need attention.

Why this matters in therapy: In approaches like ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy) and Emotion-Focused Therapy, we often encourage people to lean toward emotions, not away. Emotions carry wisdom — when we stop fighting them, we can learn from them.

3. Subtle Differences in Emotions Matter

Disappointment isn’t the same as regret. Envy isn’t the same as jealousy. Sympathy isn’t empathy. Brené breaks down these distinctions in a way that’s accessible and eye-opening.

Why this matters in therapy: Naming the right emotion helps clients target what’s really going on. For example, knowing the difference between resentment and anger might reveal unspoken expectations that are fueling a conflict — and that’s where healing starts.

4. Connection Needs Vulnerability — and Specificity

So many of us default to vague answers like “I’m fine” or “whatever.” But Brené reminds us that emotional precision is key to real connection. When we can say, “I feel hurt,” or “I’m overwhelmed,” it invites the other person to really see us.

Why this matters in therapy: Whether it’s with a partner, friend, or therapist, vulnerability builds trust. And using more accurate emotional language strengthens that bond — something that research in attachment theory and EFT backs up again and again.

5. Emotional Literacy Builds Resilience

This book isn’t just about naming feelings — it’s about learning to move through them. People who can identify what they’re feeling tend to bounce back more easily from stress and adversity (Tugade & Fredrickson, 2004).

Why this matters in therapy: Emotional clarity is one of the strongest predictors of mental health. It helps people stay grounded in hard times, rather than spiraling or shutting down.

Who Might Really Benefit From This Book?

You might love Atlas of the Heart if:

• You often feel like “something’s off” but can’t put your finger on it

• You’ve been told you’re too sensitive — or too emotionally guarded

• Conflict leaves you frozen, reactive, or totally drained

• You’re working on setting better boundaries or understanding your needs

• You want to strengthen your relationships or emotional resilience

This book doesn’t just help you “get in touch with your feelings.” It gives you a compassionate, research-backed map for making sense of your inner world — one that’s empowering, validating, and often surprisingly comforting.

Why This Work Matters for Your Mental Health

When we become more emotionally literate — when we can accurately name and understand our feelings — we tend to:

• Feel less anxious and overwhelmed

• Handle stress more effectively

• Communicate better with the people we care about

• Recover more quickly from hard experiences

• Feel more connected to our values and who we are

In therapy, we often say: “You have to name it to tame it.” This book is full of gentle reminders that the more we understand ourselves emotionally, the more grounded and connected we feel.

Final Thought: Naming It Is the First Step Toward Healing

One of my favorite quotes from Atlas of the Heart is this:

“When we have the language to describe our experience, we have the power to shape our narrative and move through the hard parts with more clarity and courage.”

This isn’t about fixing or avoiding hard emotions — it’s about learning to move with them. To be human, fully and unapologetically. And that starts by finding the words.

If you’ve ever wished for a guide to what’s going on inside you, Atlas of the Heart might be just what you’ve been needing.

Dare to Lead: How Courage, Vulnerability, and Emotional Awareness Make You Braver in Every Part of Life

If you’ve ever wished you could handle hard conversations with more ease, stop people-pleasing, or get clearer about what you really need — Dare to Lead by Brené Brown is a powerful place to begin.

Technically, it’s a leadership book. But at its core, it’s really about learning how to lead yourself first. It’s about developing courage, clarity, and emotional honesty — the kind that helps you grow into the version of yourself you’re working toward.

From a therapist’s perspective, this book is especially helpful because it blends research with real-life application. It’s not just about ideas; it’s about practice.

What Stands Out — Through a Clinical Lens

1. Vulnerability Is the Foundation of Courage
One of the central myths Brené unpacks is that vulnerability equals weakness. But her research — and the broader body of psychological literature — shows that vulnerability is actually the birthplace of courage. It’s about showing up in moments of uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.

Why this matters in therapy: When we help clients lean into vulnerable moments — whether it’s setting boundaries, asking for support, or facing conflict — we often see deeper relationships, more self-trust, and less chronic stress. Therapies like ACT (Acceptance & Commitment Therapy) reinforce this truth: willingness to feel discomfort is key to real change.

2. Courage Is a Skill Set — Not a Trait
The book outlines four specific skill sets that build courage:

• Rumbling with vulnerability: Staying open and honest in emotionally tough moments.

• Living into your values: Knowing what truly matters and using that as a compass.

• Braving trust: Understanding how trust is built (and rebuilt).

• Learning to rise: Building resilience and self-compassion after failures or setbacks.

Why this matters in therapy: These aren’t just professional development tools. They’re emotional and relational tools — skills that support assertiveness, emotional regulation, and secure connection with others.

3. Trust Is Built Through Daily Behaviors — Not Big Declarations
Brené introduces the BRAVING acronym to explain how trust is formed: through boundaries, reliability, accountability, integrity, confidentiality, nonjudgment, and generosity.

Why this matters in therapy: This gives clients (and us) a practical, non-blaming way to talk about trust — how it’s broken, how it’s rebuilt, and how we can nurture it in everyday interactions. It also helps clients think about self-trust in a more structured and compassionate way.

4. Shame Isn’t a Tool for Growth — But Accountability Can Be
In a culture that often leans into public shaming and “canceling,” Brené advocates for a different approach: calling people forward instead of calling them out. That means addressing harm or mistakes with honesty and compassion — not humiliation.

Why this matters in therapy: Shame shuts people down. It erodes emotional safety, which is foundational for healing and repair. When clients learn how to hold themselves and others accountable without shame, we see better boundaries, more connection, and less fear in relationships.

5. Emotions Drive Behavior — And We Need the Language to Name Them
Echoing her work in Atlas of the Heart, Brené emphasizes that being able to name what we’re feeling — especially during hard moments — reduces reactivity and helps us stay grounded.

Why this matters in therapy: The neuroscience backs this up. When we label an emotion (like “I feel overwhelmed” or “I’m disappointed”), the brain’s threat response actually calms down. This supports clearer thinking, healthier communication, and better decision-making under pressure.

Why You Might Want to Pick Up Dare to Lead

This book may resonate with you if:

• You tend to avoid conflict or tough conversations

• You often feel responsible for other people’s emotions

• You struggle with perfectionism, people-pleasing, or imposter syndrome

• You’re working on boundaries, resilience, or emotional regulation

• You want to strengthen your personal or professional relationships

Even though it’s written with leaders in mind, it’s really a guide for anyone who wants to live more bravely — and more in alignment with who they really are.

Final Thought: Courage Isn’t the Absence of Fear — It’s Showing Up Anyway

This book doesn’t ask you to be fearless. It invites you to be brave while still feeling afraid. It invites you to be human — imperfect, tender, messy, and still worthy of showing up fully.

That’s the kind of growth that leads to true connection — with others, and with yourself.

It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken: How to Heal, Let Go, and Move On With Dignity (and Maybe a Little Humor)

It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken

By Greg Behrendt and Amiira Ruotola

Breakups are one of the most universal — and often unexpected — emotional challenges we face. Whether a relationship lasted a few months or many years, its ending can bring a flood of conflicting feelings: grief, anger, relief, nostalgia, loneliness, and self-doubt.

In It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken, Greg Behrendt (co-author of He’s Just Not That Into You) and Amiira Ruotola offer a candid, compassionate, and often humorous roadmap for navigating heartbreak. While the tone is lighthearted, the message is never dismissive. This book meets readers where they are — in the midst of emotional upheaval — and helps them reconnect with their sense of self.

The Core Message: Stop Romanticizing What Wasn’t Working

At the heart of the book lies a liberating truth:
If it was truly right for you, it wouldn’t have ended.

After a breakup, it’s common to replay old conversations, reinterpret red flags, and hold on to hope that the relationship can be salvaged. Behrendt and Ruotola gently encourage readers to shift their mindset. Instead of seeing a breakup as a failure, they suggest viewing it as redirection — a necessary ending that clears the path for something better.

Key Takeaways for the Healing Process

What makes It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken so impactful is its accessibility. It doesn’t speak in clinical terms — it speaks from experience, warmth, and humor. The advice is practical, human, and rooted in emotional wisdom.

1. The No-Contact Rule as an Act of Self-Compassion

One of the boldest recommendations in the book is to go no-contact with your ex. That means no texting, no social media check-ins, and no reaching out “just to see how they’re doing.” This isn’t about punishing the other person — it’s about protecting your own emotional recovery.

2. Closure Doesn’t Have to Come from Them

Many people wait for a final conversation, an apology, or a moment of clarity from their ex. This book reframes closure as something we can create for ourselves — by choosing to stop looking back and start moving forward.

3. Mourn the Relationship You Had — Not the One You Imagined

Heartbreak often stems from grieving a version of the relationship we hoped for, not necessarily the one we had. The authors encourage readers to see the full picture — to acknowledge both the joys and the challenges — and to release the fantasy of what could have been.

4. Make Room for Both Sadness and Joy

The pain of a breakup is real, and this book honors that. But healing also includes permission to laugh, to go out with friends, to enjoy small moments of pleasure. You don’t need to feel okay all the time — but you can let light back in, even while you grieve.

5. Falling Apart Is Part of Moving On

You don’t need to get over a breakup with grace or composure. You don’t have to stay friends. And you don’t have to prove you’re fine. The book normalizes the messy parts of healing — the tears, the doubts, the long nights — as necessary steps on the path forward.

Why This Book Supports Emotional Wellbeing

While not written from a clinical perspective, It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken aligns with many therapeutic principles. It encourages emotional honesty, discourages unhealthy patterns like rumination and fixation, and promotes self-worth through healthy boundaries and self-care.

Breakups often activate our attachment system, bringing old fears and insecurities to the surface. This book meets those moments with compassion, reminding readers that while heartbreak is painful, it’s also survivable — and even transformative.

Importantly, the humor sprinkled throughout isn’t meant to downplay your experience. It’s there to offer perspective and relief — a gentle reminder that one day, this will hurt less. And you will laugh again.

Final Thought: Moving On Doesn’t Mean You Didn’t Love Them

One of the most healing messages in this book is that letting go doesn’t erase what you shared. You can honor the relationship, and still walk away from what no longer supports your growth.

You’re allowed to feel sad.
You’re allowed to miss them.
And you’re also allowed to choose yourself.

Love Life: Dating With Confidence, Clarity, and Heart

Love Life by Matthew Hussey

A Kind, Empowering Guide to Modern Dating

If dating has ever felt confusing, disheartening, or just plain exhausting — you're not alone. The ups and downs of modern relationships can leave even the most self-assured people feeling uncertain. That’s why we’re highlighting Love Life by relationship coach Matthew Hussey — a compassionate, practical guide to dating with both courage and self-respect.

This isn’t a book about playing games or following formulas. Instead, Hussey offers a refreshing perspective rooted in self-worth and emotional awareness. His approach emphasizes clarity, authenticity, and the kind of confidence that comes from truly knowing yourself — not just trying to impress someone else.

You’re in the Driver’s Seat

At the heart of Love Life is a simple but transformative idea:
You have more power in your dating life than you think — and it starts with believing you’re worthy of love.

Many of us wait to be chosen, hoping the “right person” will come along and make everything click. Hussey gently challenges that mindset, encouraging readers to take ownership of their love lives and start choosing for themselves — with clarity, boundaries, and self-respect.

Key Lessons You Can Actually Use

Whether you’re newly single, feeling stuck in a dating rut, or just navigating the uncertainty of meeting someone new, Love Life offers actionable insights that feel both realistic and hopeful.

1. You Attract What You Believe You Deserve

If your inner dialogue tells you that love is scarce or that you need to settle for less, you may unconsciously choose people who reinforce that belief. Hussey encourages readers to reflect on their beliefs about love and self-worth — because those beliefs shape every decision we make in dating.

2. Chemistry Isn’t Compatibility

Just because someone gives you butterflies doesn’t mean they’re a good fit for a long-term relationship. Love Life urges you to pay attention to how someone shows up for you — not just how they make you feel in the moment.

3. Learn to Be Comfortable With Uncertainty

Dating involves risk — rejection, vulnerability, and disappointment are part of the process. Hussey reminds us that discomfort doesn’t mean danger. Real connection often requires staying open, even when outcomes are unknown.

4. Don’t Outsource Your Happiness

A powerful truth from the book: your life isn’t on pause while you wait for a partner. Fulfillment comes from building a full, vibrant life — and inviting someone into it, not expecting them to create it for you.

5. Communicate Standards With Confidence

Having standards isn’t “too much” — but how we express them matters. Hussey recommends sharing your desires with clarity and warmth, rather than from fear or control. Healthy communication begins with knowing what you want and feeling safe enough to express it.

Why This Matters for Emotional Well-Being

Dating can awaken old insecurities — fear of abandonment, fear of not being enough, or fear of being “too much.” Love Life doesn’t just offer dating strategies; it helps readers build a healthier relationship with themselves.

Through its insights, the book supports:

• Building secure attachment through emotional boundaries and clear communication

• Reducing dating-related anxiety by reframing rejection as redirection

• Boosting self-worth by focusing on what you bring to the table — not just what you hope to receive

Most importantly, it reminds us that love isn’t something we earn through perfection. It’s something we invite by being real.

Final Thought: Start With Yourself

Love Life beautifully reinforces one of the most essential truths in relationships:
The most important connection you’ll ever nurture is the one you have with yourself.

When you approach dating from a place of self-respect, curiosity, and openness, you naturally begin to attract connections that reflect those same values. Love isn’t something to chase. It’s something to welcome — by living in alignment with the kind of love you want to give and receive.

If you're looking for a thoughtful, encouraging book to support you through the highs and lows of dating, Love Life may be just what you need.

Extreme Ownership: What Navy SEALs Can Teach Us About Leading Ourselves

Extreme Ownership

By Jocko Willink and Leif Babin

If you’ve ever found yourself stuck — frustrated by your circumstances, pointing fingers, or waiting on external change — Extreme Ownership offers a bold but liberating shift in perspective:
Take ownership of everything in your life. Everything.

That might sound intense (and it is — Jocko Willink is a former Navy SEAL). But beyond the battlefield metaphors and tough-love tone lies something deeply empowering: a call to reclaim your agency, lead with integrity, and stop outsourcing your power.

The Core Message: You Are Responsible for What Happens Next

At the heart of Extreme Ownership is this idea:

“Leaders own everything in their world. There is no one else to blame.”

That doesn’t mean you’re in control of everything. Life throws curveballs. People let us down. Things break. But what is in your control is your response — your mindset, your decisions, and your next step.

This mindset shift — from blame to ownership — is where real power begins. It’s how we move from feeling helpless to feeling capable.

Life Lessons From the Battlefield (That Apply to All of Us)

While the book is framed through military stories and leadership in high-stakes environments, its lessons are profoundly human and highly applicable to daily life — whether you're managing a business, a family, or simply your own growth.

1. Take Ownership — Always

When something goes wrong, resist the urge to blame others. Instead, pause and ask:
What was my role in this? What could I do differently next time?
It’s not about guilt — it’s about gaining the power to respond, improve, and move forward.

2. There Are No Bad Teams, Only Bad Leaders

This principle speaks to influence and example. Whether it’s a workplace team, a group of friends, or a family unit, leadership begins with modeling.
Are you communicating clearly? Are you calm under stress? Are you walking the talk?

3. Discipline Equals Freedom

It may sound paradoxical, but consistent discipline creates space: for peace, freedom, and flexibility.
Routines, boundaries, and personal accountability aren’t forms of punishment — they’re tools for self-respect and emotional resilience.

4. Simplicity Is Key

In complex or emotionally charged situations, overthinking can create chaos.
Clarify your priorities. Focus on what matters. Communicate with simplicity. That’s how you move through overwhelm with clarity and effectiveness.

5. Check Your Ego

Ego gets in the way of growth. It can block feedback, distort self-awareness, and escalate conflict.
Humility — not insecurity — is a strength. It means staying curious, open to learning, and willing to evolve.

Why This Matters for Mental Health

While Extreme Ownership was written for leaders, its wisdom aligns closely with psychological principles that support emotional health and healing:

• Fosters a growth mindset: Encouraging the shift from “Why is this happening to me?” to “What can I learn from this?”

• Reduces helplessness: Reconnecting you with the parts of life you can influence.

• Builds emotional resilience: Helping you focus energy on response, not rumination.

• Supports relational wellbeing: By owning your part in conflict and communication — a cornerstone of secure relationships.

Ownership isn’t about blame. It’s about freedom.

Final Thought: Ownership Is a Practice, Not a Personality

Perhaps the most freeing idea in Extreme Ownership is this:
You don’t have to be naturally fearless, disciplined, or assertive to apply these lessons.
You just need to be willing to pause, reflect, and take responsibility — especially when it’s hard.

That’s what ownership looks like.
Not perfection, not control — but the quiet courage to lead your own life with integrity, clarity, and humility.

"Fight Right": Transforming Conflict into Connection

If you’ve ever believed that happy couples don’t fight — you’re not alone. Many of us grow up thinking that conflict means something is wrong in a relationship. But according to relationship experts Drs. John and Julie Gottman, who’ve spent over 40 years studying couples, that couldn’t be further from the truth.

In their book Fight Right, the Gottmans show us that it’s not whether you fight, but how you fight that matters. And even more importantly, how you repair and reconnect afterward.

Here are some of the most helpful, heartening lessons from their work — and why they might just change how you look at conflict forever.

Conflict Is Normal — and Can Even Bring You Closer

All couples disagree. In fact, the Gottmans’ research found that about 69% of the issues couples argue about are ongoing, perpetual differences — like whether you’re a morning person or night owl, neat freak or clutter collector. And that’s okay.

What makes the difference is how partners handle those differences. Instead of trying to win the argument or avoid it altogether, healthy couples learn to manage conflict in a way that deepens trust and understanding.

Meet the Four Horsemen (And How to Stop Them)

The Gottmans identified four common behaviors that, if left unchecked, predict relationship trouble:

1. Criticism: Attacking your partner’s character (“You’re so selfish”)

2. Contempt: Mocking, eye-rolling, or sarcasm — a sign of disrespect

3. Defensiveness: Shifting blame instead of taking responsibility

4. Stonewalling: Shutting down or emotionally withdrawing

We all fall into these patterns sometimes. The key is noticing when they show up — and having tools to turn them around.

Simple Shifts That Change Everything

Here’s what the Gottmans recommend instead:

• Gentle Start-Ups: Begin conversations softly. Say how you feel and what you need without blame.

• Appreciation Culture: Make a habit of expressing what you value in each other, especially in the small, everyday moments.

• Take Responsibility: Even if it’s a tiny part, owning your piece of the conflict calms defensiveness.

• Take Breaks: When you feel overwhelmed (heart racing, muscles tight, mind spinning), pause the conversation. Step away for 20 minutes, do something soothing, then come back when you’re calmer.

Most Fights Aren’t Really About the Dishes

Underneath almost every recurring argument is something deeper: a hope, fear, or need that hasn’t been fully seen. Maybe the fight about the dishes is really about wanting to feel cared for, or about fairness, or about needing rest.

The Gottmans call these the dreams within the conflict. When couples take the time to uncover what’s really at stake for each other, conflict becomes a doorway to closeness, not distance.

The Little Things Matter Most

We connect in tiny, everyday moments: a passing joke, a glance, a sigh, a touch. The Gottmans call these emotional bids — little signals we send to each other, asking for connection.

What makes couples strong isn’t how perfectly they handle the big stuff, but how often they “turn toward” these bids instead of away. Noticing your partner’s sigh and asking, “Rough day?” can be more powerful than grand romantic gestures.

Conflict Isn’t the Problem — Disconnection Is

Arguments don’t erode relationships. Emotional disconnection does. That’s why repair attempts — those small gestures like saying “I’m sorry,” using humor, or reaching for your partner’s hand — are so essential. It’s not about never hurting each other; it’s about repairing quickly and kindly.

When Emotions Run Too High

Sometimes during conflict, we hit a state the Gottmans call flooding — when our body’s stress response takes over (think rapid heartbeats, sweaty palms, brain on overdrive). In these moments, it’s nearly impossible to have a productive conversation.

The antidote? Know the signs and take a break. Calm your body first, then your words will follow.

The Magic Ratio

Healthy couples have five positive interactions for every negative one, even during conflict. A smile. A joke. A kind word. A moment of physical affection. These little acts of warmth and humor act like relational glue, keeping you connected even when you disagree.

Final Thought: Conflict as Connection

Fight Right reminds us that good relationships aren’t built on perfection. They’re built on trust, repair, and small daily moments of kindness. Conflict isn’t something to fear — it’s a chance to learn more about the person you love and about yourself.

And when done with care, it’s one of the ways couples grow closer.

If this resonates with you, or if you and your partner would like to learn how to "fight right" in your own relationship, it might be a beautiful thing to talk about with a therapist. Because conflict doesn’t have to be a crisis — it can be a conversation.

Lucky Girl Syndrome – Wishful Thinking or Mindset Shift?

Understanding the Trend and What Psychology Really Says About It

You’ve probably heard it by now: “I’m just a lucky girl—everything works out for me.” This simple phrase, known as Lucky Girl Syndrome, has gone viral, especially among young women online. But what’s really going on beneath the surface? Is it spiritual optimism, toxic positivity, or something in between?

Let’s explore what psychology says about this trending mindset and how it relates to real mental wellness.

🧠 What Is Lucky Girl Syndrome?

Lucky Girl Syndrome (LGS) is a self-affirming mindset where people repeat phrases like “Good things are always happening to me,” in hopes of attracting more positive outcomes. It’s rooted in the idea that your thoughts create your reality.

On TikTok, users share stories of job offers, unexpected money, or chance meetings that they attribute to their positive self-talk. It sounds magical—but how does it hold up in the world of psychology?

🧩 The Psychology Behind the Trend

1. The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Psychologist Robert Merton coined this concept in 1948: when you believe something will happen, your behavior often changes in ways that make it more likely to come true.

Example: If you believe you’re lucky and expect good things, you may take more social risks, apply for jobs with more confidence, and interpret neutral events more positively—all of which can lead to better outcomes.

🧪 Supporting Research: A 2010 study published in Psychological Science found that optimistic people were more likely to set higher goals and persist through setbacks—critical traits for success.

2. Cognitive Reframing & Positive Psychology

Lucky Girl Syndrome encourages individuals to focus on what’s going right rather than what’s going wrong. This is a core technique in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), called cognitive reframing.

Instead of thinking, “Everything goes wrong for me,” you learn to think, “Even when things go wrong, I can handle it.”

Positive psychology also supports the idea that optimism and gratitude can improve well-being. Dr. Martin Seligman, one of the founders of positive psychology, found that hope, gratitude, and optimism are all linked to higher life satisfaction.

3. Manifestation vs. Magical Thinking

Here’s where it gets tricky. While positive thinking can change behavior and perception, it doesn’t control reality.

Believing that repeating affirmations will directly cause the universe to give you what you want can veer into magical thinking, which is often discussed in psychology as a cognitive distortion—especially when it replaces real action or avoids deeper emotional work.

⚠️ When Positivity Becomes Pressure

There’s a darker side to Lucky Girl Syndrome. If everything is supposed to work out just because you believe it will, what happens when it doesn’t?

• You might feel like you failed by not being “positive enough.”

• It can promote toxic positivity, where negative emotions are denied or suppressed.

• It may make people avoid dealing with real mental health issues, thinking they can just “affirm them away.”

🙅‍♀️ Psychological Insight: Real healing often involves facing hard emotions, not bypassing them with mantras.

✅ What Actually Works

If you like the feel-good tone of Lucky Girl Syndrome, good news—there are healthy ways to apply its spirit without losing touch with reality:

📝 Evidence-Based Tips:

• Gratitude Journaling – Shown to increase happiness and reduce depression over time (Emmons & McCullough, 2003).

• Values-Based Goal Setting – Aligns actions with what truly matters to you, increasing fulfillment.

• Affirmations with Action – Use positive statements and take small steps that support those beliefs.

💬 Final Thoughts: Is It Harmful or Helpful?

Lucky Girl Syndrome isn’t entirely fluff—there’s real psychological value in optimism, confidence, and goal-directed thinking. But it needs to be grounded in action, tempered by reality, and balanced with emotional honesty.

You don’t need to “manifest” luck. You can create opportunities, foster resilience, and cultivate mental habits that help you thrive.

💡 You don’t have to be a “lucky girl” to believe in yourself. You just have to be you—with tools, support, and self-compassion.

🧠 If You’re Exploring This Topic With a Therapist...

Ask about:

• How affirmations can support real behavior change

• Ways to balance hope with practical planning

• Building a mindset that supports resilience, not avoidance

Why Teens Are Turning to AI for Mental Health Support — And What Parents Need to Know

New Kind of Help: AI Chatbots and Mental Health

If you're a teen struggling with anxiety, loneliness, or an eating disorder — or a parent concerned about your child's mental well-being — you're not alone.

Today, more teens and young adults are turning to AI-powered chatbots like Woebot, Wysa, and Replika for mental health support. These digital tools offer a private, judgment-free space to talk about difficult emotions, often using techniques from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).

🗣️ "I couldn’t talk to anyone, but Woebot helped me feel heard."
— 17-year-old, anonymous user via Reddit

But are these chatbots helpful? Or do they pose new risks? Let’s take a closer look.

📲 Why Teens Are Using Mental Health Apps

For many young people, AI chatbots feel:

• Accessible – Free or low-cost and available 24/7

• Private – No need to worry about being judged

• Familiar – Text-based and casual, just like chatting with a friend

And with waitlists for therapy growing and many teens feeling overwhelmed, AI support often feels like a lifeline.

📊 A 2023 study published in JMIR Mental Health found that teens who used Woebot reported a significant drop in depressive symptoms after just two weeks.

👨‍👩‍👧 For Parents: What You Should Know

As a parent, you might wonder:
"Is it safe for my teen to use a chatbot for emotional support?"

Here’s the truth:

✅ The Good:

• Some apps are based on real psychological science (like CBT).

• Teens may feel more comfortable opening up to a “non-human” first.

• It can be a first step toward therapy, not a replacement.

⚠️ The Concerns:

• Chatbots can’t diagnose or help in a crisis.

• They may not recognize signs of eating disorders or suicidal thinking.

• Misinformation spreads quickly — especially on TikTok, where 83% of “mental health advice” is misleading.

🧠 Encourage your teen to share what they’re using and talk about it. You’re not taking away their tool — you’re making sure it’s helping, not harming.

🍽️ AI Chatbots and Eating Disorder Recovery

Some AI apps now claim to support eating disorder (ED) recovery — but this is a delicate and high-risk area.

At the same time, toxic trends like #SkinnyTok continue to expose teens to harmful content that glorifies thinness and disordered eating.

🚨 A UK study reported a 35% rise in teen hospitalizations related to eating disorders, with social media influence as a major factor.

So while a chatbot might offer support, it’s not a replacement for professional help. In ED recovery, medical and psychological supervision is essential.

💬 What You Can Do — Together

For Teens:

• If you're using a chatbot and it's helping you feel calmer, that’s great.

• But if you're feeling worse, confused, or alone — it’s time to talk to a real person.

• Ask a parent, school counselor, or therapist for support.

For Parents:

• Ask: “Have you used any apps to help you feel better?”

• Listen without judgment. Your goal is openness, not control.

• Consider trying the app yourself to better understand it.

🧭 Final Takeaway

AI mental health tools are here to stay — and they can be part of the solution, especially when used wisely and with guidance. But they should never replace genuine human connection or professional care.

🤝 Talk with your teen. Ask questions. Be curious, not critical.
Together, you can make technology work for healing — not harm.

“Get Un-Ready With Me”: The Self-Compassion Movement We Didn’t Know We Needed

From Filters to Freedom: A Cultural Shift in Self-Image

In a digital world saturated with “Get Ready With Me” tutorials, heavily filtered selfies, and beauty-enhancing apps, a quiet rebellion has emerged — and it’s deeply psychological.

Enter: #GetUnReadyWithMe — a growing social media movement where influencers and everyday users remove their makeup, shed the pressure to perform, and show up as they really are. Unlike its predecessor, this trend isn’t about prepping to face the world — it’s about unwinding, being real, and embracing vulnerability.

✨ "I used to feel like I had to be perfect before hitting record. Now I just breathe, take off my makeup, and talk about my day." — 22-year-old TikTok user

🧠 The Psychology Behind “Getting Un-Ready”

At its core, this movement taps into key themes in psychology: authenticity, self-compassion, and identity development. Research shows that chronic self-presentation — particularly on social media — can contribute to:

• Increased anxiety and depression

• Body image dissatisfaction

• Imposter syndrome

🧪 A 2022 study in Body Image found that women who engaged in more “appearance-focused social media activity” reported lower self-esteem and more disordered eating behaviors.

“Getting un-ready” offers a corrective experience: one that models imperfection as acceptable and even healing.

🪞 Why This Matters for Teens and Young Adults

For young people, especially girls, adolescence is a critical time for identity formation. The pressure to “curate” a perfect self online can lead to psychological distress, particularly when self-worth is linked to external appearance or likes.

This is why movements like #GetUnReadyWithMe are not just refreshing — they’re developmentally protective.

📊 According to Psychology of Popular Media, teen girls exposed to unfiltered content that emphasizes self-acceptance report more body appreciation and fewer social comparisons.

👨‍👩‍👧 What Clinicians and Parents Can Encourage

🧩 For Clinicians:

• Use the movement as an entry point in therapy to discuss self-image, shame, and perfectionism.

• Ask clients: “What parts of yourself do you feel pressure to hide?”

• Suggest self-compassion exercises during nighttime routines (e.g., mindful mirror check-ins, journaling).

🧩 For Parents:

• Model self-acceptance at home by speaking kindly about your own appearance.

• Join your teen in “un-ready” rituals — like removing makeup or changing into comfy clothes — to build connection and normalize relaxation.

🌿 Practical “Un-Ready” Rituals That Support Mental Health

Ritual Psychological Benefit

Removing makeup mindfully Body neutrality, transition cue

Wearing cozy clothes Activates parasympathetic nervous system

Gentle skincare Tactile self-soothing

Screen-free time Reduces overstimulation and comparison

Journaling Cognitive emotional processing

📌 Tip: Frame these not as “beauty tasks,” but as moments of return — to yourself.

💬 Final Thoughts: Beauty in the Breakdown

In a world that praises the hustle and the highlight reel, “getting un-ready” is an act of quiet rebellion — one rooted in psychological wellness and self-trust. Whether you’re a teen learning to love your reflection or an adult unlearning performance-based worth, this movement offers something essential: permission to be human.

💡 True mental wellness isn’t found in filters — it’s found in softness, slowness, and self-acceptance.

Misinformation in TikTok Therapy: What You Need to Know

🎥 When 15 Seconds Becomes Therapy

With over 1 billion users, TikTok has become one of the most influential platforms for young people seeking mental health advice. Hashtags like #TherapyTok, #MentalHealthAwareness, and #HealingJourney are filled with quick tips, diagnoses, and self-help content — all delivered in bite-sized videos.

Some of it is relatable and empowering. But a growing portion is misleading, oversimplified, or outright harmful.

❝ TikTok can be a powerful tool — but it’s not therapy, and not every creator is qualified. ❞
— Dr. Jessi Gold, Psychiatrist & Social Media Researcher

📉 The Scope of the Problem

A 2023 study published in Health Communication analyzed popular TikTok videos tagged with #mentalhealth. The findings were sobering:

• 83% contained at least one piece of clinically inaccurate or misleading information

• Only 9% of creators identified as licensed professionals

• Content related to trauma, ADHD, and personality disorders had the highest rates of misrepresentation

And yet, many viewers trust these creators implicitly — sometimes more than actual therapists.

🧠 Why It Feels So Convincing

TikTok therapy appeals for good reasons:

• It’s validating: People feel seen and understood

• It’s accessible: No cost, no waiting, no office visit

• It’s aesthetic: Calming music, visuals, and friendly faces

But this emotional resonance can blur the line between peer support and professional guidance.

📱 “Just because it’s relatable doesn’t mean it’s reliable.”
— Psychology Today, 2024

🚩 Red Flags in TikTok Mental Health Content

Here are common signs a video may be spreading misinformation:

⚠️ Red Flag Statement Why It’s Problematic

“If you do this, you definitely have ADHD” Mental health conditions require full assessment, not checklists

“I healed my trauma in 30 days” Oversimplifies complex, long-term work

“Therapists won’t tell you this” Promotes unnecessary distrust in professionals

“Use this one hack to cure anxiety” No single strategy works for everyone

🧩 Diagnosing via TikTok: A Dangerous Trend

The rise in self-diagnosis is one of the most concerning outcomes. While self-reflection is healthy, diagnosing oneself with BPD, CPTSD, autism, or ADHD based on a 60-second video can:

• Lead to mislabeling and internalized stigma

• Delay or replace real assessment and treatment

• Create unnecessary panic or confusion

📊 According to a 2022 report in The Journal of Adolescent Health, teens who self-diagnosed via social media were less likely to seek formal evaluation and more likely to report worsening symptoms over time.

✅ What to Do Instead

For Clients:

• Pause and reflect before internalizing a label

• Ask: Is this creator qualified? Is this advice generic or personalized?

• Bring TikTok content into therapy and discuss it with your provider

For Therapists:

• Normalize the role of social media in your clients’ lives

• Say: “Let’s talk about what you saw — what resonated and what confused you?”

• Offer psychoeducation on how real diagnoses are made and why nuance matters

🌿 A Healthier Way to Use TherapyTok

💡 Social media can inspire curiosity — but therapy fosters clarity.

Here’s how to use TikTok mindfully:

• Follow licensed professionals (check credentials)

• Use content as a conversation starter, not a diagnosis

• Balance screen time with self-reflection, journaling, or actual therapy sessions

💬 Final Thoughts

TikTok isn’t inherently bad — but it’s not therapy. While some creators share helpful, authentic stories, others promote oversimplified advice, harmful trends, or misinformation that hurts more than it heals.

If something you see online resonates, talk to a therapist. Mental health deserves more than algorithms — it deserves accuracy, depth, and human connection.

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Addiction, Trauma, and the Search for Meaning

“The question is not why the addiction, but why the pain?” – Dr. Gabor Maté

If you’ve ever struggled with addiction — or love someone who does — you may know how painful and confusing it can be. Why do we keep reaching for things that hurt us? Why is it so hard to stop, even when we want to? Why do we feel so alone?

In his powerful book In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, physician and trauma expert Dr. Gabor Maté helps us explore these questions with honesty and compassion. His message is simple but life-changing: Addiction is not a choice. It’s a response to pain.

Who Are the Hungry Ghosts?

The title comes from Buddhist mythology, where “hungry ghosts” are spirits with empty bellies and tiny mouths — always craving, never satisfied. Dr. Maté uses this as a metaphor for addiction: not just to drugs or alcohol, but to work, food, gambling, shopping, or screens.

He writes from years of experience working with people who have lost everything — and also from his own struggles with compulsive behaviors. His stories are real, raw, and deeply human.

How Trauma Shapes Addiction

Addiction doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. Long before we reach for something to numb or escape, something inside us hurts. Addiction rarely appears in a vacuum. Long before the first drink, pill, or binge, there's often a history of dysregulation — a nervous system stuck in survival mode.

Developmental trauma, in particular, leaves a lasting imprint:

• Maybe you grew up in a home where love felt unsafe or inconsistent. Neglect or inconsistent caregiving can interfere with emotional self-regulation. The child learns to numb, suppress, or dissociate rather than feel.

• Maybe you learned early on to hide your feelings, stay quiet, or survive chaos. Chronic stress or abuse floods the developing brain with cortisol, impairing the function of the prefrontal cortex — the area responsible for impulse control, judgment, and long-term planning.

• Maybe no one ever taught you how to soothe pain — so you found your own way to cope. Lack of secure attachment creates a blueprint for disconnection — both from others and from the self.

Dr. Maté explains that childhood trauma can change how the brain and body develop. The parts of us responsible for emotional balance, self-worth, and connection can become overwhelmed. Addiction often begins as a way to feel better — or at least, feel less.

Over time, these early adaptations become vulnerabilities. When faced with life stress later on, the nervous system reverts to old survival patterns — and substances or compulsive behaviors become a shortcut to temporary relief.

Maté emphasizes that addiction is not the first problem. It's the visible expression of wounds that often go back to childhood — wounds that were never witnessed, named, or tended to.

So if you’ve ever asked yourself, What’s wrong with me?, consider a new question:
What happened to me?

Why Shame and Punishment Don’t Heal

Many of us have been taught that addiction is a moral failing — that if we just had more willpower, or tried harder, we’d get better. But shame doesn’t heal pain. It deepens it.

Traditional treatment approaches — especially those rooted in shame, punishment, or abstinence-only frameworks — often ignore the role of trauma. They treat addiction as a choice to be corrected, rather than a symptom to be understood. Traditional approaches to addiction often focus on stopping the behavior without asking why it’s there. But that doesn’t work for most people, and here’s why:

• Shame makes us hide — and isolation feeds addiction. Shame compounds pain: Many addicts already carry deep feelings of unworthiness. Punitive models reinforce this shame, driving the person further into isolation — and often, relapse.

• Relapse gets treated like failure, when it’s really a message: something deeper still needs healing. Relapse is misunderstood: In trauma-informed care, relapse is not failure; it's feedback. It's a signal that emotional regulation strategies (often underdeveloped) are overwhelmed.

• Rigid programs ignore real life, and don’t take into account the emotions, trauma, or nervous system patterns we carry with us. Rigidity ignores complexity: One-size-fits-all programs don’t account for the individual’s lived experience, cultural background, or nervous system capacity. What looks like “non-compliance” is often a trauma response.

You’re not “bad” because you struggle. You’re not weak. You’ve adapted to survive. That’s not a flaw — it’s a sign of your strength.

Maté argues that lasting healing does not come through control or compliance — it comes through understanding, relationship, and integration.

Why Compassion Is the Medicine

One of the most beautiful messages in In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts is this:
Healing begins with compassion.

At the heart of Maté’s work is this core truth: compassion is not a luxury in addiction treatment — it is a necessity.

That might feel strange — especially if you’ve spent years criticizing or blaming yourself. But compassion is what creates the conditions for change. Here's what compassion offers that judgment cannot:

• It gives you emotional safety — the sense that you don’t have to hide or perform. Many individuals with addiction have never felt emotionally safe. Compassionate presence can regulate the nervous system and build trust, which is a precondition for deeper therapeutic work.

• It reminds you that you’re not alone — and that there’s nothing shameful about needing support. Belonging; Shame isolates; compassion invites reconnection. As social beings, we heal in relationship. Therapists, counselors, and support systems play a crucial role in restoring that connection.

• It encourages curiosity, not judgment. You start asking, What is this behavior trying to protect me from? What am I really needing right now? Curiosity over condemnation: Compassion encourages us to ask, What is this behavior trying to protect or soothe? This shift in perspective helps both clients and clinicians move from frustration to empathy.

Recovery isn’t just about stopping something. It’s about coming home to yourself — gently, gradually, and with kindness.

You Are Not Broken — You Are Human

Dr. Maté doesn’t sugarcoat addiction. It can destroy lives. But he also shows us that behind every addictive behavior is a person — someone trying to cope, survive, or feel okay in a world that may not have always been kind.

If you recognize yourself in these words — if you’re living with addiction, trauma, or even just a deep restlessness you can’t explain — know this:

✨ You are not broken.
✨ You are not weak.
✨ You are worthy of understanding, connection, and healing.

Maté models this in his own clinical practice — listening without agenda, creating space for stories to emerge without pressure. His approach resonates with trauma-informed modalities like Internal Family Systems (IFS), Somatic Experiencing, and Polyvagal Theory, all of which center safety, attunement, and compassion as catalysts for healing.

Final Thoughts

In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts is more than a book — it’s an invitation. To see yourself not through the lens of shame, but through the lens of truth, empathy, and possibility.

Because healing isn’t about becoming someone new.
It’s about remembering who you were — before the pain, before the hiding, before the hunger.

“Only when compassion is present will people allow themselves to see the truth.” – Gabor Maté

Know My Name: A Memoir for Every Survivor Who's Ever Felt Silenced

“To not be named is to not be known. To not be known is to not be seen.” — Chanel Miller

I had the pleasure of attending Arise, the Annual fundraiser for the YWCA, focused on gathering members of the Grand Rapids community and sharing their mission for healing. They hosted guest speaker, Chanel Miller. She is a brave, articulate, leader who shared parts of her journey during this event. Thankfully, I was encouraged to read her book prior to attending the event, and learned the details of her experience and her healing journey. I would encourage therapists, clients, parents, friends and community members to read her story and know her name.

If you are a survivor of sexual assault, Know My Name is a book that may feel like someone finally put your experience into words — the pain, the confusion, the injustice, the quiet strength it takes to survive day after day.

In her groundbreaking memoir, Chanel Miller tells the story of how she went from being “Emily Doe” — the anonymous woman in a high-profile assault case — to reclaiming her name, her voice, and her life. Her words don’t just speak to what happened to her. They speak to what it means to live through trauma — and keep living anyway.

This is not just a story of pain. It’s a story of resistance, healing, and reclaiming identity.

From Silence to Voice

For years, the world only knew her as a victim. The media focused on her attacker. Headlines repeated his name, his potential, his losses. Meanwhile, Chanel Miller stayed anonymous. Her story was told about her, but not by her.

That changes in Know My Name.

This memoir is her answer — not just to the courts, or the media, but to every person who’s ever been asked to stay quiet, to get over it, or to carry shame that doesn’t belong to them.

Chanel writes about the night of her assault with raw honesty. She writes about the broken legal system that re-traumatized her. And she writes about putting her life back together — piece by piece, word by word.

This Book Was Written for You

Whether you’re years into healing or just beginning to face what happened, Know My Name offers something powerful: recognition.

You may see yourself in her fear. In her disbelief. In the endless court delays. In the way people asked the wrong questions. In the way her identity was erased, edited, or doubted.

But you’ll also see her strength. Her humor. Her creativity. Her fire. You’ll see a survivor who refused to stay silent — and in doing so, helped others find their voice too.

What Trauma Really Feels Like — And What Healing Can Look Like

Chanel Miller doesn’t shy away from showing the full picture of trauma:

🌀 The confusion
🗣️ The silence
💤 The exhaustion
❓The constant second-guessing
💔 The heartbreak of not being believed

But she also shows how healing begins — sometimes in small, quiet moments:

• Writing in a journal

• Drawing something that speaks when words won’t

• Feeling anger and allowing it, rather than suppressing it

• Letting yourself be a full person — not just someone something happened to

Her story is proof that recovery isn’t a straight line. It’s a messy, courageous, deeply human process — and you don’t have to do it all at once.

Why Naming Matters

There’s a reason Chanel titled her book Know My Name. Reclaiming her name was an act of power.

So many survivors are made to feel invisible — referred to as “the victim,” reduced to a statistic, or pressured to stay anonymous. But being seen is part of healing. Naming yourself — even just to yourself — is a way of saying, I exist. I matter. I get to tell my own story.

You don’t have to go public like Chanel did. You don’t owe anyone that. But her story reminds us that our identities are ours to define, not something trauma gets to take away.

What This Book Gives You That the System Often Doesn’t

Too often, survivors are met with disbelief, blame, or silence. The legal system, schools, workplaces — even families — can get it painfully wrong. And when they do, it hurts all over again.

Chanel’s story shows what that kind of systemic re-traumatization looks like: the invasive questions, the lack of control, the endless waiting, the reduced humanity. But it also offers a way through.

What you may not get from a courtroom or an institution, you can find in this book:

• Validation: Your story is real. Your pain is real.

• Recognition: You are not alone in this.

• Empowerment: You are more than what happened to you.

You Are More Than a Victim

Chanel is not just a survivor. She’s a writer, an artist, a sister, a friend, a thinker, a woman who laughs and makes jokes and creates beautiful things. This is a powerful reminder:

You are not defined by your trauma.

You are whole — even when you don’t feel like it. You are allowed joy, creativity, love, rage, softness, and strength.

Chanel’s story invites us to remember who we are, not just what we’ve endured.

Why Know My Name Stays With You

This is not an easy book, but it is an important one. It helps you feel seen — in all your complexity. It doesn’t wrap things up with false hope or quick fixes. Instead, it offers truth — and the reminder that healing is possible, even if it’s slow. Even if it doesn’t look like what you thought it would.

It’s a book that says:

You don’t have to be silent.
You don’t have to carry shame.
You don’t have to heal on anyone else’s timeline.

Final Thoughts

Know My Name is more than a memoir — it’s a companion for survivors who are trying to put words to what they’ve lived through. Chanel Miller helps break the silence — not just for herself, but for anyone who’s ever felt invisible, unheard, or unworthy of justice.

If you're ready, let her story walk beside yours. Not to tell you how to heal, but to remind you that you can.

And maybe that you already are.

How Social Media Can Affect Body Image: Understanding Exposure to Pro-Eating Disorder Content

"Have you ever caught yourself scrolling through social media and suddenly feeling worse about your body? You’re not alone — and it’s not your fault. Let’s talk about how certain content online can secretly shape the way you see yourself — and what you can do to take back your power."

In today’s world, it’s nearly impossible to imagine life without social media. TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, and other platforms allow teens and adolescents to connect, share, and learn in amazing ways. But with all the good also comes a real concern: exposure to harmful content, especially content that promotes eating disorders.

If you or someone you know has ever scrolled past images or videos glamorizing extreme thinness, strict dieting, or "tips" for dangerous eating behaviors, you are not alone. It's important to talk about how these messages can affect mental health—and more importantly, how to protect yourself and your well-being.

What Is Pro-Eating Disorder Content?

Pro-eating disorder (or “pro-ED”) content refers to posts, videos, or communities that encourage, promote, or normalize disordered eating behaviors. This can include:

• "Thinspiration" or "fitspiration" images that idolize very thin or hyper-fit bodies

• Posts sharing harmful tips on how to eat less or hide disordered eating

• Communities that romanticize eating disorders as a "lifestyle" rather than a serious mental health condition

Sadly, this type of content is easier to find than many people realize. Some posts are openly pro-ED, while others are more subtle, slipping under hashtags like #bodygoals or #healthylifestyle.

How Exposure Affects Teens and Adolescents

Research consistently shows that social media use is linked to body dissatisfaction, disordered eating, and negative mental health outcomes among young people.

A major review published in Current Opinion in Psychology (Rodgers et al., 2020) found that social media exposure, especially appearance-focused content, increases the risk of internalizing thin ideals and body dissatisfaction, both of which are strong risk factors for the development of eating disorders.

Another study (Fardouly et al., 2015) found that even brief exposure to idealized images can make teens feel worse about their own bodies within minutes.

The truth is: during adolescence, the brain is still developing the skills to critically evaluate information. This means social media can have an even stronger emotional impact—both positive and negative—during this important time of growth.

Why Does This Happen?

Social media is uniquely powerful because of:

• Comparison Culture: Platforms often highlight only the "best" parts of people's lives or appearances, leading to constant comparisons.

• Algorithms: Social media sites often show more of what you interact with—meaning one click on a fitness or diet post can lead to a flood of similar (and sometimes extreme) content.

• Peer Influence: Seeing friends or influencers promote certain body types or diet behaviors can make them seem more "normal" or even aspirational.

Understanding these forces can help you realize: It's not you. It's the system.

What You Can Do to Protect Your Mental Health

First, know that it's okay to love social media while also being mindful about how you use it. Here are some evidence-based ways to keep your relationship with social media healthy:

1. Curate Your Feed

Follow accounts that make you feel empowered, inspired, and happy—whether that’s art, music, mental health, or body-positive creators. Unfollow or mute accounts that make you feel bad about yourself.

Studies show that exposure to body-positive content (messages that celebrate body diversity) can actually improve mood and body satisfaction (Cohen et al., 2019).

2. Practice Critical Thinking

Ask questions like:

• Who created this post, and why?

• Is this a realistic or healthy portrayal of life?

• How does this make me feel?

Building media literacy is a skill that strengthens over time—and it gives you the power to see through harmful messages.

3. Talk About It

If you ever feel overwhelmed, isolated, or pressured by what you see online, reach out to someone you trust—a parent, counselor, or friend. You are never alone, and talking about it can take a lot of weight off your shoulders.

4. Take Breaks

It's okay to step away from social media sometimes. Even short breaks can improve mood, reduce anxiety, and help you reconnect with what’s real and meaningful.

Final Thoughts

Your body is not a trend. Neither is your worth.

Social media can be a place for connection, creativity, and support—but it’s important to stay mindful of the messages you’re absorbing. You have the right to protect your mental health and nurture a positive relationship with your body, just as it is.

If you're struggling or feeling triggered, know that help is available. Reaching out is a sign of strength, not weakness.

You deserve to live a life full of joy, health, and self-acceptance—both online and off.

References:

• Rodgers, R. F., Donovan, E., Cousineau, T., Yates, K., McGowan, K., Cook, E., & Lukowicz, M. (2020). Instagram use and young women's body image concerns and self-objectification: Testing mediational pathways. Current Opinion in Psychology, 36, 7–13.

• Fardouly, J., Diedrichs, P. C., Vartanian, L. R., & Halliwell, E. (2015). Social comparisons on social media: The impact of Facebook on young women's body image concerns and mood. Body Image, 13, 38–45.

• Cohen, R., Newton-John, T., & Slater, A. (2019). The relationship between Facebook and Instagram appearance-focused activities and body image concerns in young women. Body Image, 29, 65–74.