Can Therapy Save My Marriage?

Therapy can save a failing or struggling marriage, but its success depends on several factors, including both partners' willingness to change, the underlying issues, and the approach taken in therapy. Many couples who feel hopeless have been able to rebuild their relationship with the right support. However, in some cases, therapy helps couples gain clarity—whether that means working toward healing or recognizing when it’s healthiest to part ways.

When Therapy Can Help Save a Marriage

If both partners are willing to actively participate, therapy can be highly effective in addressing issues such as:
✔ Communication breakdowns – Learning to express needs, listen effectively, and reduce defensiveness.
✔ Recurring conflicts – Addressing the same fights in a way that leads to resolution instead of resentment.
✔ Emotional disconnection – Rebuilding intimacy, affection, and shared meaning in the relationship.
✔ Betrayal or trust issues – Providing structured guidance for rebuilding after infidelity or emotional wounds.
✔ Life stressors – Helping couples navigate major changes like parenthood, financial struggles, or external pressures.
✔ Differences in needs or expectations – Bridging gaps in emotional, physical, or lifestyle desires.

When Therapy Might Not Save a Marriage

There are situations where therapy may not be enough to repair a relationship, including:
❌ One or both partners refuse to participate or engage – If one person is unwilling to do the work, change is unlikely.
❌ Ongoing abuse or manipulation – Therapy is not a solution for situations involving domestic violence, emotional abuse, or narcissistic control. In these cases, safety is the priority.
❌ Deep resentment or unwillingness to forgive – If past hurts have created irreversible damage and neither partner can let go of bitterness, healing becomes difficult.
❌ One or both partners have emotionally checked out – If a partner is already disengaged, in love with someone else, or unwilling to reconnect, therapy can be ineffective.

What Makes Therapy Successful?

1. Both partners are committed to change – Even if the relationship is deeply strained, a willingness to work through issues is key.

2. A skilled therapist – The right therapist (especially someone trained in Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy, or Imago Therapy) can help break negative patterns.

3. Consistency & effort outside of sessions – Therapy is not just about what happens in the office; couples must apply lessons in real life.

4. Realistic expectations – Healing takes time. Therapy is not a quick fix, but a process.

How Therapy Can Help Even If the Marriage Ends

Even if a couple ultimately decides to separate, therapy can still be valuable by:

• Helping both partners process emotions and reduce hostility.

• Providing tools for co-parenting peacefully if children are involved.

• Offering individual healing to prepare for healthier relationships in the future.

  Why Choose a Therapist who utilizes Gottman Techniques?

The Gottman Method is preferred for couples therapy because it is research-based, practical, and highly effective in improving relationship dynamics. Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this approach is grounded in over 40 years of research on what makes relationships succeed or fail. Here’s why many therapists and couples prefer it:

1. Research-Backed Approach

• The Gottmans studied thousands of couples in their "Love Lab" to identify patterns that predict relationship success or divorce with over 90% accuracy.

• Their findings are science-based, rather than just theoretical.

2. Focus on the "Four Horsemen" & Conflict Resolution

• The method teaches couples how to recognize and counteract the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" in communication:

  1. Criticism (attacking partner’s character)

  2. Defensiveness (avoiding responsibility)

  3. Contempt (sarcasm, name-calling, superiority)

  4. Stonewalling (shutting down, avoiding)

• It provides concrete strategies to replace these behaviors with healthy communication.

3. Emphasis on Friendship & Emotional Connection

• Unlike some therapy models that focus solely on conflict, Gottman strengthens friendship, intimacy, and emotional connection.

• Couples learn to enhance their fondness, admiration, and shared meaning, making the relationship more fulfilling.

4. Practical & Structured Techniques

• The Gottman Method provides easy-to-apply exercises like:

  • The "Love Maps" exercise (knowing each other’s inner world).

  • The "State of the Union" conversation (structured weekly check-ins).

  • The "Repair Attempts" technique (de-escalating conflict before it worsens).

• These tools help couples strengthen their bond outside of therapy.

5. Works for All Relationship Stages

• It is effective for newlyweds, long-term couples, and even high-conflict relationships.

• The method is used for marriage enrichment, premarital counseling, and repair after betrayal.

6. Avoids Blame & Encourages Teamwork

• Gottman’s approach does not label one partner as the “problem.” Instead, it helps both partners see themselves as a team working toward a stronger relationship.

• This makes it less confrontational and more solution-focused.

7. Success in Addressing Infidelity & Trauma

• Gottman therapy provides a structured process for rebuilding trust after betrayal.

• It acknowledges the emotional trauma of betrayal while offering specific steps to heal and reconnect.

8. Long-Term Relationship Success

• Couples who practice Gottman’s techniques tend to have longer-lasting and more fulfilling relationships.

• It promotes ongoing emotional intimacy, not just short-term fixes.

Is Gottman Right for Every Couple?

• While Gottman therapy works for most relationships, couples experiencing extreme abuse, addiction, or untreated mental illness may need additional specialized therapy.

Deciding if couples therapy can help your marriage depends on a few key factors, including the willingness of both partners, the root issues in the relationship, and whether there is still emotional investment. Here’s how to assess whether therapy could be effective for your situation:

Signs That Couples Therapy Can Help

✔ You Both Still Care About the Relationship – Even if things are bad, if you both want to make it work, therapy can help you rebuild.
✔ You Struggle with Communication – Many couples fight over the same things because they don’t know how to communicate their needs effectively. Therapy teaches healthy communication tools that can stop destructive patterns.
✔ You’re Facing Trust Issues but Want to Heal – If there’s been betrayal (infidelity, dishonesty, etc.), therapy can help rebuild trust if both partners are committed to the process.
✔ Arguments Escalate Quickly – If conflicts turn toxic with yelling, blame, or stonewalling, therapy can provide structured conflict resolution skills.
✔ You Feel Like Roommates, Not Partners – If emotional or physical intimacy has faded but there’s still a desire to reconnect, therapy can help restore emotional closeness.
✔ Life Stressors Are Affecting the Relationship – Major life events (job loss, parenting, grief, finances) can create tension. Therapy can help couples navigate external stress without turning on each other.

Signs That Therapy Might Not Help (At Least Right Now)

❌ One or Both Partners Have Checked Out – If one partner is emotionally done and unwilling to try, therapy may not work.
❌ There’s Ongoing Abuse or Manipulation – Therapy is NOT effective if physical, emotional, or psychological abuse is present. Safety should be the priority.
❌ One Partner Refuses to Participate – Therapy requires effort from both people. If one partner is unwilling to engage, progress will be limited.
❌ You’re Only Going to "Prove a Point" – If therapy is being used to blame, manipulate, or get validation rather than to grow, it won’t be productive.
❌ There’s an Ongoing Affair or Addiction Without Willingness to Change – If the behaviors harming the relationship are still happening, therapy won’t be effective until they are addressed.

How to Decide if Therapy Is Worth Trying

• Ask yourself: "Do I want to stay in this relationship and make it work?"

• Ask your partner: "Are you willing to do the work with me?"

• If the answer is "yes" (even with doubts), therapy is worth exploring.

• If the answer is "no" or your partner refuses, individual therapy might be a better next step for you.

Even if you’re unsure, a single with a couples therapist can help determine if therapy would be beneficial. Reach out to us at 616 Counseling if you would like to schedule an initial session.

How do I heal from Betrayal Trauma from a Narcissistic Relationship?

Betrayal trauma in a marriage or relationship with a narcissist is an incredibly painful and complex experience. It happens when someone you deeply trust—your partner—violates that trust in a way that shakes your sense of reality, safety, and self-worth. This type of trauma is especially intense when dealing with a narcissistic partner because their behaviors often involve manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse.

Understanding Betrayal Trauma in a Narcissistic Relationship

Betrayal trauma occurs when a person experiences profound deception, infidelity, or emotional/psychological abuse from someone they depend on for love and security. In a relationship with a narcissist, this can take many forms:

• Infidelity & Deception: A narcissistic partner may cheat, lie, or engage in secretive behavior while gaslighting you into doubting your instincts.

• Emotional Manipulation: They may minimize your feelings, shift blame, or refuse to take accountability for their actions.

• Gaslighting: Making you question your perception of reality, often leading you to believe the betrayal is your fault or that it didn’t happen the way you remember.

• Intermittent Reinforcement: Alternating between love-bombing and devaluation, keeping you emotionally hooked in a cycle of highs and lows.

• Discard & Devalue: If exposed, a narcissistic partner may turn the blame on you, withdraw affection, or even completely discard the relationship without remorse.

The Psychological & Emotional Impact

The effects of betrayal trauma can feel overwhelming, especially when tied to narcissistic abuse. You might experience:

• Cognitive Dissonance: Struggling to reconcile the person you love with the betrayal they committed.

• Hypervigilance & Anxiety: Feeling constantly on edge, waiting for the next emotional attack or betrayal.

• Shame & Self-Doubt: Blaming yourself or believing you're "not enough" because of their actions.

• PTSD-Like Symptoms: Flashbacks, nightmares, and emotional triggers tied to the betrayal.

• Isolation: Feeling alone or misunderstood because the narcissist has manipulated others into believing their narrative.

Healing from Betrayal Trauma

Healing from betrayal trauma, especially in a relationship with a narcissist, is a deeply personal journey. It’s not easy, but it is absolutely possible. Here are some key steps to help you begin rebuilding yourself:

1. Acknowledge the Pain & Validate Your Experience

One of the hardest parts of healing is accepting that what happened was real and that it hurt you deeply. Narcissistic abuse often involves gaslighting, so you may have spent a long time doubting your own reality. It’s crucial to:

• Recognize that your pain is valid.

• Allow yourself to grieve—not just the betrayal but also the loss of the relationship you thought you had.

• Understand that healing is not linear. Some days will be harder than others.

2. Stop Blaming Yourself

Narcissists are skilled at shifting blame onto their partners. You may have internalized this over time, believing that if you were "better," "stronger," or "more lovable," they wouldn’t have hurt you. That’s not true.

• Their actions were a reflection of them, not of your worth.

• Remind yourself: You were manipulated, not "too sensitive" or "not enough."

• Work on self-compassion—speak to yourself the way you would comfort a close friend.

3. Set (and Enforce) Boundaries

If you’re still in contact with your narcissistic ex (especially if you share children or mutual responsibilities), setting strong boundaries is essential.

• Consider no contact if possible. If that’s not an option, use the grey rock method—responding in a neutral, unemotional way to limit their ability to manipulate you.

• Avoid getting drawn into their drama, guilt trips, or attempts to pull you back in.

• Recognize that they may try to provoke you to regain control—don’t take the bait.

4. Rebuild Your Sense of Self

Narcissistic relationships can strip away your self-esteem and identity. Now is the time to reconnect with who you are outside of that relationship.

• Revisit old hobbies and interests you may have set aside.

• Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you.

• Start small—set personal goals that remind you of your strength.

5. Process the Trauma with Professional Support

Working with a therapist—especially one experienced in trauma and narcissistic abuse—can help you untangle the emotional damage and build healthy coping strategies.

• Trauma-informed therapy (such as EMDR, CBT, or DBT) can help process betrayal trauma.

• Group therapy or support groups (such as those for survivors of narcissistic abuse) can remind you that you’re not alone.

6. Learn to Trust Again (Starting with Yourself)

After betrayal, trusting others—and even yourself—can feel impossible. Narcissists often erode your ability to trust your own judgment.

• Start small by listening to and honoring your instincts.

• Remind yourself that not everyone is like them. Healthy relationships do exist.

• Take your time. You don’t have to rush into trusting others again.

7. Practice Self-Care & Nervous System Regulation

Betrayal trauma often keeps your body in a heightened state of stress. Learning to calm your nervous system is an essential part of healing. Try:

• Deep breathing exercises (like box breathing).

• Grounding techniques (such as naming five things you can see, hear, or touch when feeling overwhelmed).

• Physical activity—movement can help release stored trauma.

• Journaling to process emotions in a safe way.

8. Let Go of the Need for Closure

One of the most painful parts of healing from a narcissist is accepting that you may never get a genuine apology or closure.

• Narcissists rarely admit fault or take responsibility. Waiting for them to "own up" will only prolong your pain.

• Instead, create your own closure—write a letter you never send, release expectations, and focus on your future.

9. Believe in Your Future

Right now, it may feel like you’ll never be the same. But healing does happen. Over time, you’ll realize:

• The pain lessens.

• You are stronger than you thought.

• You deserve love, respect, and peace.

You are not broken. You are healing. And you don’t have to do it alone. Clinicians at 616 Counseling can help. 💙

What is EMDR and is it for me?

EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It’s a type of therapy that helps people process and heal from difficult experiences or traumas that are still affecting them. Sometimes, when something upsetting or traumatic happens, our brains don’t fully process the experience. It’s like the memory gets “stuck,” and whenever something reminds us of it, we can feel like we’re reliving the event, experiencing the same emotions, body sensations, or negative thoughts.

EMDR helps “unstick” these memories so they can be processed in a healthier way. It does this by having you focus on the memory while doing something called bilateral stimulation—usually following the therapist’s fingers as they move back and forth with your eyes or sometimes using sounds or taps that alternate from one side of your body to the other. This back-and-forth movement seems to help your brain process the memory in a way that lets it become less intense and disturbing.

Over time, the goal is for the memory to just feel like something that happened in the past without all the emotional charge it once had. People often find that they can think about the event without feeling as upset or stuck, and they’re able to move forward in their lives.

EMDR can help with a variety of issues, especially those connected to difficult or traumatic experiences. Here are some of the main things it’s often used for:

1. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) – It’s widely known for helping people who’ve been through traumatic events, like accidents, abuse, violence, or military combat. It helps reduce flashbacks, nightmares, and intense emotional reactions linked to those memories.

2. Anxiety and Panic Attacks – EMDR can target the underlying experiences or beliefs that contribute to anxiety, helping reduce panic and anxious thoughts.

3. Depression – Sometimes unresolved experiences or negative beliefs about oneself contribute to depression. EMDR helps reprocess these to reduce their emotional impact.

4. Grief and Loss – It can help people process complex grief or loss, especially if they feel “stuck” in their mourning or are overwhelmed by guilt or other emotions.

5. Phobias – By addressing the root experiences that triggered the phobia, EMDR can help lessen the fear response.

6. Chronic Pain and Illness – In some cases, physical pain is linked to emotional stress or trauma. EMDR can help reduce pain perception by addressing these emotional components.

7. Addictions and Substance Abuse – It can help people understand and resolve the experiences or emotional pain that contribute to addictive behaviors.

8. Self-Esteem and Negative Beliefs – EMDR can help shift deep-seated negative beliefs about oneself, like feeling unworthy or powerless, that might stem from past experiences.

9. Performance Anxiety – Whether it’s related to sports, public speaking, or work, EMDR can help reduce anxiety and improve confidence by processing past experiences that fuel performance fears.

It’s quite a versatile therapy, and the reason it can help with so many different issues is that it focuses on reprocessing the experiences or beliefs underlying the symptoms, not just the symptoms themselves.

Here are some things to consider:

1. Your Experiences and Symptoms

EMDR is particularly helpful if you’re dealing with symptoms related to past experiences, such as:

• Intrusive memories, flashbacks, or nightmares about something that happened.

• Feeling emotionally “stuck” or triggered by certain reminders.

• Anxiety, panic attacks, or fears that seem linked to past events.

• Negative self-beliefs, like feeling unworthy or powerless, that you suspect are connected to earlier experiences.

2. Trying Other Therapies

If you’ve tried other types of therapy (like talk therapy or CBT) and felt like you were just talking about the problem without fully processing it, EMDR might help you work through it on a deeper level.

3. Readiness to Process Memories

EMDR involves revisiting memories that might be painful or upsetting, but in a controlled, safe way. It’s important to feel ready—or at least open—to facing and processing these memories. A trained therapist will make sure you feel safe and grounded before diving into the harder parts.

4. Working with a Trained Therapist

The success of EMDR often depends on working with a therapist who’s specifically trained and experienced in EMDR. They’ll assess your situation, help you prepare, and guide you through the process.

5. Consultation and Evaluation

The best way to know for sure is to have an initial consultation with an EMDR therapist. They can evaluate your symptoms and history to see if EMDR is a good match for you.

During an EMDR session, you can expect the following steps:

1. History and Preparation

In the first few sessions, the therapist will get to know you, your history, and what you want to work on. They’ll help you identify specific memories or experiences that are linked to the issues you’re facing. They’ll also teach you some coping skills to help you stay grounded and safe during the process, like deep breathing or visualization techniques.

2. Targeting a Memory

Once you’re ready to begin EMDR, you’ll focus on a specific memory. The therapist will guide you to identify:

• The image or part of the memory that feels most distressing.

• Negative beliefs about yourself linked to the memory (e.g., “I’m powerless” or “I’m not safe”).

• Positive beliefs you’d like to have instead (e.g., “I am in control now” or “I am safe”).

• Emotions and body sensations connected to the memory.

3. Bilateral Stimulation

This is the core of EMDR. The therapist will use something that stimulates both sides of your brain alternately, such as:

• Eye movements – You follow the therapist’s fingers moving back and forth with your eyes.

• Tapping – The therapist might tap on your hands or shoulders, or you can tap on yourself.

• Sounds – You might listen to alternating tones through headphones.

4. Processing the Memory

While focusing on the memory and using bilateral stimulation, you’ll notice whatever comes up—thoughts, feelings, images, or body sensations. You don’t have to analyze or explain them; just notice them. The therapist will pause periodically and ask what you’re noticing. Then, they’ll guide you to continue focusing until the memory feels less distressing.

5. Installing Positive Beliefs

Once the memory feels less intense, the therapist will help you focus on the positive belief you want to associate with it (e.g., “I am safe now”) and use bilateral stimulation to “install” that belief, helping it feel more true and real.

6. Body Scan

You’ll then do a body scan to see if any tension or discomfort remains related to the memory. If it does, the therapist will help you process it.

7. Closure and Grounding

Each session ends with grounding techniques to make sure you feel safe and stable before leaving. If the memory wasn’t fully processed in one session, the therapist will make sure it’s safely “contained” until the next session.

8. Between Sessions

You might have new insights, emotions, or dreams between sessions as your brain continues processing. The therapist will give you tools to manage this and might ask you to keep a journal.

How Long Does EMDR Take?

The length of EMDR therapy can vary depending on the person and the issues they’re working on. Here’s a general idea:

• Number of Sessions: Some people feel significant relief in just a few sessions, especially if they’re working on a single event or trauma. However, for more complex issues—like repeated trauma, long-term anxiety, or deeply rooted negative beliefs—it can take several months or more.

• Session Length: Sessions are usually about 60-90 minutes each. This gives enough time to process memories and do grounding work to end the session safely.

• Phases of EMDR: EMDR has 8 phases, starting with history-taking and preparation, and moving through memory processing and closure. It’s not just about processing memories but also about preparing and building coping skills.

What Does It Feel Like?

The experience of EMDR is different for everyone, but here’s what many people report:

• During the Session: You might notice images, thoughts, emotions, or even body sensations related to the memory. Some people feel intense emotions, while others feel detached, like they’re watching the memory from a distance. You don’t lose control—you’re fully aware of where you are and what’s happening.

• After the Session: It’s normal to feel tired or emotionally drained, but some people also feel relief or a sense of resolution. It’s possible to have vivid dreams or new insights as your brain continues processing.

• Long-Term Effects: Over time, the memory often feels less intense or upsetting. You’ll remember the event, but it won’t carry the same emotional charge. People often report feeling more empowered and less “stuck.”

Please contact us if you have questions or would like to explore EMDR treatment.

Navigating Postpartum Depression During the Holiday Season: Support from Megan Wen, LMSW, PMH-C

The holiday season is meant to be a time of joy and celebration, but for new mothers coping with postpartum depression (PPD), it can feel overwhelming and isolating. If you’re struggling with feelings of sadness, anxiety, or guilt as a new mom during the holidays, you’re not alone—and help is available.

In this blog, we’ll explore how PPD can feel intensified during the holiday season and provide actionable tips for navigating this time. Plus, discover how Megan Wen, LMSW, PMH-C, a licensed therapist specializing in perinatal mental health, can provide the expert support you need.

What Is Postpartum Depression?

Postpartum depression affects roughly 1 in 7 new mothers, manifesting as persistent sadness, anxiety, irritability, and feelings of hopelessness. Unlike the “baby blues,” which resolve within a few weeks, PPD can linger for months, affecting your ability to enjoy motherhood and daily life.

During the holidays, these feelings can become even more pronounced due to:

• Heightened Expectations: The pressure to create a “perfect” holiday can feel overwhelming.

• Social Obligations: Family gatherings and social events may feel draining or anxiety-inducing.

• Disrupted Routines: Holiday schedules can interfere with your baby’s sleep patterns and your ability to rest.

• Emotional Reflection: The contrast between societal cheer and personal struggles can intensify feelings of inadequacy or guilt.

How to Manage Postpartum Depression During the Holidays

1. Set Realistic Goals: Forget perfection; focus on small, meaningful moments that matter to you and your baby.

2. Prioritize Rest: Sleep deprivation can worsen PPD. Stick to a routine and seek help when needed to prioritize rest.

3. Establish Boundaries: It’s okay to say no to events or traditions that feel overwhelming. Your mental health comes first.

4. Seek Support: Talk openly with your partner, trusted loved ones, or a therapist about what you’re experiencing.

5. Connect with a Professional: A mental health professional specializing in postpartum care can help you develop effective coping strategies.

Meet Megan Wen, LMSW, PMH-C

If you’re feeling overwhelmed this holiday season, Megan Wen, LMSW, PMH-C, is here to support you. As a licensed social worker and certified perinatal mental health specialist, Megan is dedicated to helping mothers navigate the unique challenges of postpartum depression with empathy and expertise.

Megan offers personalized care tailored to your needs, including practical tools to manage stress, improve your emotional well-being, and embrace the joys of motherhood—even during difficult times.

Why Choose Megan Wen?

• Specialized Expertise: Megan is certified in perinatal mental health, providing a deep understanding of the challenges faced by new moms.

• Compassionate Approach: Her empathetic, nonjudgmental style creates a safe space for you to share and heal.

• Actionable Strategies: Megan focuses on empowering you with practical tools to manage your mental health and thrive as a mother.

Take the First Step Toward Healing

Postpartum depression is challenging, but it’s treatable. With the right support, you can regain a sense of balance, confidence, and joy.

Visit Megan Wen, LMSW, PMH-C to learn more about her services or schedule an appointment. Don’t let postpartum depression define your holiday season—let Megan help you create a path toward peace and well-being.

Make this holiday season about giving yourself the gift of care and compassion. Reach out to Megan Wen today. You deserve to feel supported, understood, and empowered in your motherhood journey.

New Moms Support Group

Motherhood is a life-changing journey, but it can also come with unexpected challenges. If you’re struggling with postpartum depression or other perinatal mental health concerns, you’re not alone. Megan Wen, a compassionate professional with advanced training in trauma-informed care and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, is here to help you navigate this transition with understanding and support.

This support group offers a safe and welcoming space where moms can share their experiences, find encouragement, and build connections with others who truly understand. Research shows that support groups can reduce feelings of isolation, improve mood, and promote resilience in managing postpartum challenges.

We understand how difficult it can be to find time for yourself as a mom. That’s why this group is designed with flexibility in mind. Moms are welcome to bring their babies, so you don’t have to choose between getting support and caring for your little one. Whether you need to nurse, soothe, or simply hold your baby during the session, you’re encouraged to do whatever works best for you to participate meaningfully.

Together, we’ll explore ways to manage the emotional, physical, and social changes of motherhood while celebrating small victories and building confidence. Join us to find the strength, understanding, and connection you need during this transformative time.

Take the first step toward feeling better—you deserve it.

Sign up today and begin your journey to a more supported motherhood.

The Art of Letting Go

The Benefits of Art Therapy for Perfectionists

Written by Kylie DeWard

Young adults are reporting significantly higher scores for perfectionism now than they were in previous generations, according to the American Psychological Association. Young adults aren’t the only ones struggling, though. It seems that everywhere, particularly in the media, there is an unspoken message whispering to us, “None of this is good enough, and neither are you!” 

In the face of perfectionism, art therapy can serve as a powerful antidote. Art therapy fosters mindfulness, openness, expression, and acceptance of mistakes, all of which are lost in the abyss of perfectionistic thinking. The integration of art in the counseling space is a relatively new implementation, but the benefits have already been shown to be remarkable. 

Understanding Perfectionism

Perfectionism is the relentless desire for everything to be correct and flawless. This can manifest in a variety of ways, and differently for each age group.

For adults, perfectionism can look like: 

• Avoiding tasks that need to get done

• Being hypercritical of others

• Having acute awareness of how things could go wrong

• Feeling apathetic towards achievements

• Making a mistake triggers intense shame

For teenagers, perfectionism can look like: 

• All-or-nothing thinking

• Defensiveness/sensitivity to criticism

• Often bringing up past failures in conversation

• Self-consciousness

• Difficulty making decisions / General procrastination

For kids, perfectionism can look like: 

• Difficulty getting started with a task, an activity, or play (task paralysis)

• Big meltdowns after receiving correction

• Extreme frustration after setbacks or mistakes

• Negative self-talk (“I am bad”)

• Vocally critical of others

The growth of social media offers no comfort to these feelings. Societal pressures and expectations only seem to grow continually, which makes the increase of perfectionism in recent years no surprise. 

How Art Therapy Heals

Did you know Jackson Pollock’s famous drip paintings were created thanks to an accident? Accidents happen all the time during artistic creation, and that is the beauty of art therapy! Art therapy has been shown to offer healing to perfectionistic thinking. In a safe environment, like those created in a counseling space, art can show us how to adapt and make the most of our mistakes. Rather than seeing an error as a reason to quit, shut down, or belittle ourselves, art shows us that mistakes can actually lead to beautiful masterpieces!

Counselors who utilize art therapy may ask you to express and explore through something like a drawing, a painting, or building blocks. You would be surprised how much insight you and a counselor can gain from observing how you create! This unique form of expression paired with the freedom of creativity restores feelings of control, self-understanding, and self-esteem. It is a beautiful process!

What We Do at 616 Counseling

In a world of growing perfectionism, it is important for counselors to keep up with best practices to properly aid those struggling. At 616 Counseling, we not only provide art therapy services, but we have an entire room of our office dedicated to art and play therapy for limitless opportunities for expression. From an indoor sandbox to countless drawing, painting, and doodling tools, to sensory toys, to fidgets and Legos… we offer countless ways to engage in art and play therapy, so you can decide what works best for you.

If you think you, your child, or a loved one would benefit from this style of counseling, we highly recommend reaching out for support through our website.